Miss World

(spoken intro)
I make a kind of living by writing a kind of song, a point number. Point numbers are songs which I write quickly, and principally for money, and they're songs which are concerned with the weekly headlines, with what's happening in the daily news. As soon as the news is forgotten the song loses its value, my mortgage begins to look sick. I'd like to sing some of these this evening, get them over and done with quickly before you forget the news, of which I will remind you. The first one is about the annual event, the Miss World competition.

Breasts and thighs that hypnotise me
Galvanise me, so agonisingly
But such a size that, not surprisingly
She can hardly move at all

These are the queens of the Earth
Deserving our reverence, our homage
Miss Isles of Scilly, Miss Central Chile
Miss Dogger Bank, Miss West Bromwich
And we guarantee the display
Will dispel all male melancholia
You'll see so much of Miss Rann of Kutch
Not to mention Miss Inner Mongolia

B-b-b-breasts and thighs that hypnotise me
G-galvanise me, so agonisingly
But such a size that, not surprisingly
She can hardly move at all

Miss South Rhodesia is here
You'll see she's a shade or two lighter
She's awful keen to keep her party clean
And UDI washes whiter
And what does Miss USA say?
She says that she's everyone's sister
But she don't give a damn for Miss Vietnam
And she reckons Miss Russia's a mister

B-b-b-breasts and thighs that hypnotise me
Galvanise me, so agonisingly
But such a size that, not surprisingly
She can hardly move at all

There they all go in a row
Exposing their fleshy perfections
Their withers and their flanks, their hams and their shanks
Open to public inspection
But the judges are discriminating men
This is no job for no nitwit
They must carefully watch every cleavage and crotch
For the girl who's the world's biggest titbit

B-b-b-Breasts and thighs that hypnotise me
Galvanise me, so ago-agonisingly
But such a size that, not surprisingly
She can hardly move at all
Oh, she hardly moves at all