I’m Un-Australian

[Verse 1]
I don't like rugby, or AFL
Cricket to me is as boring as hell
When the race stops a nation, I won’t even look
I'll be reading a book because

[Chorus]
I'm Un-Australian, take it from me
I fry in the sun and I sink in the sea
I prefer Sauvignon Blanc to VB
And I can’t drive a manual car

[Verse 2]
I've heard of our anthem, but I've never learnt it
I tried to barbecue meat and I burnt it
And I've never gambled, or smoked, I confess
I prefer playing chess because

[Chorus]
I'm Un-Australian, so I've been told
You won't catch me surfing, I might catch a cold
My chicken-like body does not fit the mold
But I've done some research, and lo and behold.....

[Verse 3]
The Rugby League final was a ratings sensation
2.3 million tuned in ’round the nation
But that’s just 10 percent of the whole population
Meaning 90 percent of us don't give a shit

[Chorus]
So we’re all Un-Australian! Sing it with pride
What is Australian? We will decide
'Cause when you don't fit in a stereotype
Buy a new stereo, turn it up high and sing

I'm Un-Australian, real Aussie men should be
More scared of me than I am of them
I’m a skinny weak loser, it's sad but it's true
And that's just as Aussie as you!

[Spoken]
Thank you so much! I would now like to invite back to the stage, Richard Vaudrey on cello! For those listening to this at some future date, I'll just describe the scene for you so you can see: Richard has just walked onstage wearing nothing but underpants and sporting a gaping head wound, that appears he's been involved in some sort of fistfight or gangland war on the streets of Melbourne, but he's no doubt aware of the importance of this symphony and the show must go on, so thank you Richard for your professionalism. And thank you, you, for 4 claps over there. This next song goes out to, uh, all the nature lovers in the audience. Which I know is a rather all-encompassing term, so it's more of a guilt trip, really, to suggest that if you don't like the song you have no soul.