I Don’t Want to Talk About Sport

This isn't easy
And I don't wish to upset you
But I'd rather break your heart than live a lie
You deserve much better than me
So this is goodbye

I know that this will shock you
I've been trying to suppress it
But it's taking too much effort to pretend
And it's only been ten minutes since I met you
But this is the end

'Cause I'm not the person you thought
So forgive me, I have to abort
This conversation
'Cause I don't want to talk about sport

You said your name was Richard
And you asked me who I barracked for
So I picked a team to be polite
But apparently, the team I picked
Had just gotten their asses kicked
By your team on Saturday night

Now I was in too deep
And I had to play along
When you started crapping on
About the weakness in our game plan
And I was nodding and agreeing
As I contemplated fleeing
To a better conversation with a corpse

And then you asked me to predict
How long a certain injured player
Would take til he recovered
And I said, About twelve months
And you said, Twelve months for a hammy?!
But I stood by my assessment
And you wouldn't let it go

And so I found myself engaging in discussion
Of the muscular condition
Of a man I'd never heard of
In a sport that I don't care for
But I led you on, and therefore
I'm responsible for this abomination
Of an adult conversation
And I'm sorry that I lied to you

But I'm not the person you thought
So I'm cutting this relationship short
'Cause I was faking
Sorry
I don't want to talk about
Someone stick a fork in my eye
I'd rather have piranhas taking chunks from my thigh
Than stand right here
Pretending
That I give a shit about sport