Headline News

[Verse 1]
Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard

[Chorus]
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
(flogging, screams)

[Verse 2]
Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the knee cap

[Chorus]
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
(thwacking, screams)
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

[Bridge]
They got paid for their sound bytes
And sold their TV movie rights

[Verse 3]
And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found little Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there

[Chorus]
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

[Outro]
Ahh ahh ahh ahh, ahh ahh ahh ahh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh, ahh ahh ahh ahh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh, ahh ahh ahh ahh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh, ahh ahh ahh ahh