The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota

[Verse 1]
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing
So one night when my family and I were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "Kids
If you could go anywhere in this great big world now
Where'd you like to go ta?"
They said, "Dad

[Chorus]
We wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

[Verse 2]
So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled wieners
Crossword puzzles, Spider-Man comics
And mama's homemade rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway
And the neighbors, they all waved good-bye
And so began our three-day journey
We picked up a guy holding a sign that said, "Twine Ball or Bust"
He smelled real bad, and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape
My wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down
Yelling, "Are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate
In our '53 DeSoto

[Chorus]
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

[Verse 3]
Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled wieners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty
Boy, I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals from all the places
Where we've already been
Like Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum
The Boll Weevil Monument and Cranberry World
The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock
And The Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums
And the place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches
But there's still one thing we gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw the sign that said, "Twine Ball exit, fifty miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy
They started singing "99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall"
For the twenty-seventh time that day
So, we pulled off the road at the Last Chance Gas Station
Got a few more pickled wieners and a diet chocolate soda

[Chorus]
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

[Verse 4]
Finally, at 7:37 early Wednesday evening
As the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon
It appeared to me like a vision before my unbelieving eyes
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence
Toward that glorious, huge, majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds
Open ten to eight on weekdays
In a little shrine under a makeshift pagoda

[Chorus]
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

[Verse 5]
Oh
What on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh
Windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he trying to prove?
Who was he trying to impress?
Why did he build it? How did he do it?
It's anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine?
What was goin' through his mind?
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
"Now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car
And we can take it home"
But I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine
Some window decals, and anything else they'd sell us
And I bought a couple postcards
"Greetings from the twine ball, wish you were here!"
Won't the folks back home be jealous?
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball
And we all gathered 'round and said, "Cheese!"
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic
But at least we got our memories
So we all just stared at the ball for a while
And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile
"Kids, this here's what America's all about"
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside
And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unraveled that sucker
It'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning, we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "You know
I got a funny kind of feelin'
We'll be comin' back again next year"
Cause I've been all around this great big world
And I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather go ta

[Chorus]
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

[Outro]
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota