Ego death

When Rosenstock sang "love is worry"
I felt the flow of harmony
But when worry cracks me open
All i spill is black blood

When milk and honey is solace
As all things are ending
Eventually i scurry back
To wherever i should've forgotten

When i praise loveless sun and moon
Recognize it as friendly evil
I'm amazed by its influence
Enabling me to do what i never thought i'd even dare to do

But all the pretty words won't help me
From all the honest truths i got
All the certainties i desired
Will proceed to swallow me up

All the faces i stared at and said
"we will hurt each other"
Include faces who never hurt me
And we don't see each other anymore

When the pain of facing facts
The honesty we can't take back sets in
A voice tells us we would if if we could
Even though we feel we shouldn't

Look where 'feeling' got us now
Solitude and no more sound
To drench the madness with our noise
Seems like a failed attempt to avoid

Everything i chose to believe in
Everyone i chose to believe in
Everywhere i decide to live in
All the love i desperately needed

But of course the love has settled in
And the desperation worsened
And when the desperation worsened
Was the moment when i felt threatened

And the moment i feel threatened
Is a moment i could go off
And the moment i go off
Is the moment i look at you

And i say "i want to see your blood, i want to make sure i am normal"
And if i notice i'm abnormal
I will demand you make it darker

And this possible reality is just too much for me
Incessant suffering isn't exactly always liberating
It's especially distressing to notice the maladies i mention
Have either inflicted you or you notice it inflicted me

They say conversation is healthy
But i don't feel so good
We should all let it flow
Every drop of strained hope

But when i stare at the moon
I notice i have thought of you
Then realize i've hope inside
And know that means i'm doomed

Yet still i stare at the moon
That star reminds me of you
So if you leave and if you die
How the hell could i get by

Moonlight shadows from above
Memories of all your love
If you leave and if you die
How the hell will i get by?

I'll cry