Arcade Mania

[Open Int. Underground Cave]

(The Crystal Gems are treading through a crystal path. Garnet shushes the rest to be quiet.)

GARNET: This way.

(Steven's jacket makes swishing noises as they walk together, which irritates Pearl.)

PEARL: whispering Ugh! Steven! This is a stealth mission! You're making too much noise! Take off the jacket!

STEVEN: Ugh, but, I don't wanna catch a cold. holds his jacket tightly

PEARL: Then why are you still wearing sandals?

STEVEN: looks at his sandals* I can be quiet. See? Stealth. *sticks his arms out straight to avoid making the noise

GARNET: We're getting close.

PEARL: C'mon thеn.

(The Gems walk along, and Amethyst starts making noisеs that Steven's jacket makes.)

STEVEN: turns around Amethyst! (Amethyst keeps making the noise.)

PEARL: annoyed Steven!

STEVEN: It wasn't me. (Amethyst is seen smiling.) Amethyst, you're making me look ba- (The ledge Steven is standing on starts to crumble.) Aaaaahh! flails arms around

PEARL: Steven!

STEVEN: straighten his arms Stealth.

(Steven falls over the cliff and plunges into the darkness screaming, only to be caught by Garnet at the bottom. Garnet holds him close, when a Gem creature emerges a hole in the ceiling. It starts to shoot crystal spikes at them, which Garnet easily dodges.)

PEARL & AMETHYST: Steven! jump down from the cliff

GARNET: Stay down. sets Steven down on the ground

AMETHYST: Come on poofy. carries Steven up and runs off

STEVEN: What about Garnet?

(The Gem creature tries to hit Garnet with its outer arms but fails, as she somersaults and dodges the attacks.)

STEVEN: Go, Garnet, go!

(Garnet reaches the Gem creature and parries every attack by its inner arms. She then summons one of her gauntlets and punches into the creature's mouth. It explodes into a blue cloud, leaving behind crystal spikes, and Garnet emerges from the cloud with a spiky Gem in a bubble.)

STEVEN: Wow! She's so fast. Garnet, you're amazing! How'd you even do that?

PEARL: points to the ground Look! The little ones didn't explode. (The crystal spikes burrow into the ground.) They're drilling away!

AMETHYST: drops Steven* I got it! *dives into one of the holes, getting herself stuck

GARNET: Let them go. sends the bubble away They're just parasites. If they want to be a problem, they'll have to answer to me.

STEVEN: slowly stands up So coool.

AMETHYST: gets pulled out by Garnet I swallowed a rock.

[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]

STEVEN: We all worked so hard, we deserve a reward.

PEARL: Sounds like you have something in mind.

STEVEN: starts giggling and dancing I'm taking you guys to the best place in Beach City! Funland Arcade!

PEARL: Do we have anything else to do?

GARNET: We don't.

AMETHYST: Um, don't you need money for that place?

STEVEN: Oh, don't worry. This one's on... opens his jacket to reveal pockets full of coins Meeee! (The Gems shield their eyes from the glimmers of the coins.)

[Trans. Int. Funland Arcade]

STEVEN: Welcome to a wonderland of funtronic gameventions! laughs

PEARL: Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.

STEVEN: Pearl! grabs her hand* Pearl, come on, you'll love this game! *leads Pearl away

PEARL: If you say so. sits down at a racing game Road Killer?

STEVEN: Yeah, pick the car you like and just go for it!

PEARL: W-well, which one of these buttons is my turn signal?

STEVEN: None of them. Have fun. leaves

ROAD KILLER: Vroom-vroom, kill the road!

PEARL: Oh... kaaay...

(Steven finds Amethyst and teaches her to use the Skeeball machine.)

STEVEN: gives Amethyst a ball* This is Skee Ball. You roll the ball into the hole, and then you can even win tickets for prizes. *points towards the prize booth

(Onion turns a pile of tickets in to Mr. Smiley, who gives him a small moped.)

STEVEN: Woah, Onion's the ticket master!

AMETHYST: Cool.

STEVEN: Alright, good luck. leaves, and Amethyst smiles devilishly

(Steven finds Garnet and attempts to introduce another game to her too.)

TEENS OF RAGE: Teens of Rage.

STEVEN: Garnet, this game is perfect for you! You seem like a Joe Rock kinda gal. His special move is... Forward, forward, back, tap towards half circle, medium kick- Oh wait! Maybe that's an aerial move. Just punch and you'll be fine.

TEENS OF RAGE: Come on, chump!

GARNET: literally punches the screen of the game machine I did it.

STEVEN: nervously* Uhh... Let's try something else. *leads her to Punch Buddy Okay, this is a game you can actually punch.

PUNCH BUDDY: Come on, give it your best shot, kid.

GARNET: swats Punch Buddy with one hand, sending it flying off the machine

PUNCH BUDDY: Tell my wife I'm sorry!

GARNET: I win again.

STEVEN: searching frantically* Uh... uhm, how about that one? Meat Beat Mania. There's no violence in this game. Just shake the meat, to the beat. *hands Garnet the ham controllers

(Garnet begins to play, as the game encourages her every move, and performs very well.)

STEVEN: Awesome! Garnet, you're so good at this. laughs and sighs in relief I wonder how the others are doing.

(Steven walks back over to Pearl.)

ROAD KILLER: You're horrible!

PEARL: Stop saying that!

STEVEN: Having fun?

PEARL: annoyed Why am I doing so badly? I haven't crashed into anything!

STEVEN: You're supposed to crash into everything!

PEARL: What?! That's horrible!

ROAD KILLER: You're horrible!

STEVEN: notices Amethyst cheating Amethyst!

(Amethyst straddles the outer ring of the Skeeball machine, dropping skeeballs directly into the center hole, attaining a huge pile of tickets.)

STEVEN: What are you doing?!

AMETHYST: Imma win an airplane!

STEVEN: stops Amethyst That's cheating! You're gonna get us in so much troub-

MR. SMILEY: interrupts Hey, you guys know what happened to Teens of Rage?

STEVEN: ...Let's run! drags Amethyst away

AMETHYST: This place is fun!

STEVEN: Pearl, we're leaving!

PEARL: still playing Road Killer* Ugh, good. *leaves, as the in-game car crashes

ROAD KILLER: You're fantastic!

STEVEN: Garnet, we're leaving! (Garnet is still playing Meat Beat Mania.)

MR. SMILEY: picks up the broken Punch Buddy* What happened to Punch Buddy? Who did this to you?! *looks around angrily

STEVEN: panicked* Wah! Uh, see you at home! *leaves with Pearl and Amethyst

[Time Skip—next day]

[Trans. Int. Crystal Temple]

(Steven eats breakfast, Amethyst lounges on the couch, and Pearl practices with her spear.)

STEVEN: eating cereal So, what's today's mission? I hope it's... fighting, a giant... foot!

PEARL: twirls her spear around If we're supposed to fight a "giant foot", Garnet would let us know.

AMETHYST: Yeah, Garnet's the boss.

PEARL: Well, we're all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objective.

AMETHYST: Yeah, she's the boss.

STEVEN: So where is she? eats some cereal Fighting the foot?

PEARL: She's not "fighting the foot". You know, Garnet goes off on missions without us all the time. She's probably doing something very important.

AMETHYST: Oh wait, Steven! I just remembered, Garnet had a special mission for you!

STEVEN: Really?!

AMETHYST: Yeah, she says um, you have to slam your face into that bowl of cereal.

STEVEN: Okay. dunks his face into his bowl of cereal

AMETHYST: Good job Steven! You stopped the foot!

PEARL: There is no foot!

STEVEN: face covered in milk and cereal Not anymore.

PEARL: Ugh!

STEVEN: wipes his face with his shirt* Welp, now that that's done, time to comb the beach for quarters with my... METAL MUTT! *gets out a metal detector

[Trans. the Beach]

(Steven scours the beach for quarters with his Metal Mutt.)

STEVEN: (The Metal Mutt starts barking, and Steven digs into the ground.) Aw, silver dollar? Useless! tosses it away Come on.

(The Metal Mutt barks once more further down the beach.)

STEVEN: This better not be another cap. digs up another Metal Mutt Double dogs! (Both Metal Mutt bark together and Steven sees something in the sand.) Quarters!

(Steven attempts to pick up the quarter-shaped object, but a green creature attacks and clings to his hand.)

STEVEN: Waaahhhh! flails around in panic Aaaaahhh! Help!

(The creature is flung upwards into the air by Steven's flailing. It then turns into a drill shape and dive downwards towards Steven. Steven manages to dodge out of the way, but several more similar creatures appear from the sand and attack Steven. He attempts to fend them off with a Metal Mutt, but it gets destroyed. The creatures attack again and Steven tries to flee. Pearl and Amethyst then appear around the corner of a nearby cliff and see Steven being attacked.)

PEARL: Steven!

AMETHYST: It's the little guys! dodges with Pearl

(Pearl summons her spear to fight back, but unable to hit the small and fast targets. Countless more of the parasites appear and begin to rain down upon them, forcing Pearl and Amethyst to flee with Steven along the boardwalk.)

PEARL: They're everywhere, why didn't we see this coming?!

STEVEN: We need Garnet!

PEARL: We don't know where she is!

STEVEN: gasps* Meat Beat Mania... *runs into the arcade, separating from Pearl and Amethyst

PEARL: Steven, where are you going?!

[Trans. Int. Funland Arcade]

(Steven enters the arcade and sees Garnet still playing Meat Beat Mania, entranced by its rhythm and unresponsive to Steven, while Onion is watching nearby with his moped.)

STEVEN: Garnet! breathless* You gotta come quick. Garnet! Those... little guys are back an-and they're a problem! *looks at the screen of the game machine* Whooaaa... I've never seen anyone get this far. B-but you gotta get back and help the others. (Garnet ignores him.) Uh, Garnet? Garnet, come on! *tries to push Garnet* Garnet, hey! *tries pulling instead This is serious, Pearl and Amethyst are in trouble.

(Steven starts climbing atop Garnet's head,)

STEVEN: Garnet! Why...are you...so...hard...to climb?! Garnet!? removes Garnet's visor, revealing her third eye, fixated and moving rapidly to the game's movements* Oh my gosh! *drops the visor, which magically disappears, and falls off of Garnet* I'll save you Garnet! *unplugs the game

(The game promptly shuts off. Garnet throws the controllers up in the air, uses her Gem powers to reactivate the game machine and continues playing. Steven sees Pearl fending off the parasites outside the arcade and gasps.)

STEVEN: The rhythm has her. The only way to defeat...the beat...is with meat! inserts two quarters into the machine and takes up the Player Two position to compete with Garnet I have to win! (The game starts.)

MEAT BEAT MANIA: Let's meat it, prepare your meats! Shake it! Tenderize! (Steven loses.) Player One wins! You're toast, Player Two! (Steven competes again, but loses again.) Eat it up! A Player Two barbecue!

STEVEN: Ugh, no! takes out his last two quarters* My last shot! *inserts them into the machine

MEAT BEAT MANIA: Let's meat it! Rack those ribs, spice it up! Thrill is in the grill! You're toasted!

STEVEN: This...is...it!

(He strikes a pose but still loses, unable to beat Garnet's perfect rhythm)

STEVEN: Aw, I can't do it. starts tearing* Garnet, snap out of it! What's wrong with you?! You got to stop- *grabs onto the game console and starts prying it apart -playing this... horrible game!

(Steven rips the console "grill" off the game machine and smashes it into the screen repeatedly, destroying the game machine. Garnet quickly comes to her senses and her third eye closes.)

GARNET: blinks Steven!

STEVEN: Garnet!

GARNET: summons her visor over her eyes You won.

(Mr. Smiley stomps in angrily after witnessing Steven destroying Meat Beat Mania.)

MR. SMILEY: Ah... It was you! You've been breaking my games!

GARNET: leaps outside of the arcade to fight the parasites Pearl! Amethyst!

STEVEN: I can help too! tries to run outside

MR. SMILEY: Oh, no! No, no! grabs Steven and lifts him up Don't you go flippity flopping out of here.

[Time Skip—later in the day]

(Steven is sweeping the floor of the arcade while the Gems is fighting outside.)

STEVEN: sees Garnet destroys a parasite* Yeah! (Steven starts pretending to fight, when Mr. Smiley walks by, glancing at him.) I'm working! See? *sweeps and sees a quarter* Hmm, a quarter! *picks it up

(The star iris zooms in on Steven, as the Meat Beat Mania narrator exclaims "Now you're cooking!", ending the episode.)

[END]