Your Memory

It’s been two months since you yelled at me
And I know you don’t care since you were the one that chose to yell but some part of me hopes you do.
I know you probably don't miss me like I miss you
but sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and wish that I could just rewind
To when you didn't yell at me cuz I want to know what went through your head
when you said all the things you said about me that weren't true.

People remind me of flowers
Because after a while they start to decay
Their mind will break away
And they will leave because all flowers do
Once you cut them, they die
And all you can really do about it is cry because you really loved those flowers
And you wish you could say they loved you too

I wish I got the chance to tell you that I was sorry.
I wish I could tell you that I was sorry for everything I did to you
even though I didn't think I did anything to you
because it turns out I didn't.
I wish I could tell you that I was sorry for staying up all those late nights scared about you and hoping I didn’t see that you had an obituary in your town
So I started staying up late at night searching for you.

I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry for thinking about you every night
While I waited in bed.
but I'm not sorry
I can't be sorry for how I felt about what happened
and I can't be sorry for being angry and sad and mad.
I can be sorry for saying that it was my fault.

I spend too much thinking about you.
And I will continue to think about you because at one point you were the best thing that ever happened in my life
and I know I said it when you first yelled at me
And you thought I was going to die
but I didn't.

Because how could I when I had the faint hope that you would maybe come back
and I could apologize to you personally.
I didn't have to apologize
but i still hoped that maybe you would come back and maybe talk to me again
because the one thing that could help me sleep at night was knowing that you were okay.

But you were never okay
At this point I don't think either of us are
And I guess at this point
That that's okay