Weird Weird West

[DWAYNE]
Jethro, Jethro! Ya deaf old coot! You see what
Happened at the saloon? Damndest thing I ever saw! I
Ain’t never seen nothin’ like that! I couldn’t have been
More surprised if ma own mother turned out to be a
Raccoon in a hat. Jethro! Jethro – you gotta hear what
Happened at the saloon. Oh, my god!

[NARRATOR]
Yeah, I got a story to tell ya. A tale of the West
The weird weird West. Listen a spell, let me explain…
The stranger rode into town with no horse
No one knew what was stranger, his clothes or his walk
They supposed he was dangerous, and he showed
Them a painting
Of an ape in a suit that had ladies fainting
But this was no bar of barflies and snitches
These were men who pulled themselves up
By their britches
And women as tough as they were pretty
And as pretty as they were tough, and they were pretty
And if this stranger had tried anything funny
They’d have punched out his lights and taken his money
But he went to the bar and grabbed him a drink
He downed it, demanded more, but before
You could blink
The bar fell silent, an uneasy quiet
The stranger regretted that drink once he’d tried it
A shot of moonshine and rattlesnake venom
That belonged to Big Jake, who then drew his weapon

[STEAM POWERED GIRAFFE]
Take a look all around
Now you’re in the wild wild West
But there’s something kind of strange
Not like the rest
It’s the weird weird weird weird West

[NARRATOR]
The stranger said, “Stop, wait a second, friend
Let’s be gentlemen, maybe even make amends
A nice game of cards! The loser buys the winner dinner.”
Big Jake he just laughed, at cards he’s no beginner
All across the bar, relief on all the faces
But as he dealt, from the sleeve fell several aces
And Jake’s face fell, stood up, eyes narrow
The stranger did a dance like a badly injured sparrow
Jake struck first, stranger ducked, and Jake missed
And punched one of three brothers, so while
The stranger hid
The brothers stood together, baddest men
You’ve ever seen
Jakes crew squared up, evil rude and mean
Someone yelled out, “fight!” the brothers came
Out swinging
Bringing chaos to the bar, dangerous men and women
Bottles smashing, people flying, punches landing
And when it was all done, no one left standing

They all went down the good, bad, the unstable
Finally, the stranger came from underneath the table
And in walked the sheriff: “Look, this fight has uncovered
There’s a bounty on Big Jake and all three brothers
And the others – whoever went to get these guys
I want to look him in the eyes, I’m about to deputize.”
But the stranger had gone – best for everyone’s sake
No one knows where he went, or if he found his ape

[STEAM POWERED GIRAFFE]
Take a look all around
Now you’re in the wild wild West
But there’s something kind of strange
Not like the rest
It’s the weird weird weird weird West

Well it’s definitely a different kind of West if ya ask me
It’s a peculiar kind of west if you ask me
Off kilter if ya ask me
Yeah different is the word that comes to my mind
Not normal is what comes to my mind
It’s odd West is the word that comes to my mind
It’s certainly a wacky West. Yes