Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle
I got a lot of things to talk about tonight! First of all, I’ve stopped smoking weed. ...With *black* people; You didn’t let me finish, motherfuckers. Goddamn.
I’m sorry, black people, to break the news so publicly, but I *can’t* smoke with you anymore.
*Every* time I smoke weed with my black friends, all you talk about is your 'trials' and 'tribulations.' I’m SICK of that shit. I got my OWN problems. Nigga, that's a *waste* of weed. I’m smoking weed to run away from MY problems, not take on YOURS.
From now on, I smoke weed *exclusively* with white people.
Calm down, motherfuckers, you win by default.
You got good *weed* conversation. All 'white people' talk about when they get *high,* is OTHER times that THEY got HIGH. I could listen to that shit all night.
“Dude, remember at Frank’s last week? I was fucking SMASHED, man.”
And catalogs everything they drink.
“I had two shots of Jäger, tequila... four bong hits, man. Beer; cheeseburger...” That shit is great.
The only bad part is... you CANNOT pass OUT around WHITE PEOPLE. Every time white dudes pass out around each other they always do some... borderline-gay shit when the guys are asleep.
“Frank fell asleep so we, like, stuck a carrot in his ass... and put shaving cream on his balls...”
Why, motherfucker? Why’d you do that to a friend of yours? He trusted you to sleep around you and you’re going to put a carrot in his ass? Is that – is that nice?
I’ll tell you right now, if I put a carrot in a black dude’s ass, that nigga will KILL YOU when he wakes up for some shit like that. That is an automatic... death sentence on the street. It’s a WRAP for you.
“I’m gonna KILL that motherfucker.”
“I thought y'all was friends, baby? What happened?”
“I fell asleep at his house, right? I was drinking and I fell asleep at his house and while I was sleeping, right? ...I’m just going to KILL that motherfucker, all right, that’s ALL you NEED to KNOW... and FUCK carrots.”
Weed Conversation was written by Dave Chappelle.