Start (San Francisco)

[Host:]
Why’d you pick San Francisco to shoot your special?

[Dave Chappelle]
This is one of the best towns that ever knew comedy and this is the most historic venue you got as far as comedians are concerned because Lenny Bruce ripped it down here. Yeah, all the best came through the Bay. What about Richard? What about Robin Williams? Carlin? Mooney? You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest star. As long as you come with it then people coming out, they like to see live performances, because it’s a savvy audience.

[Host:]
San Francisco, are you ready! I don’t think he can hear you. Are you ready! Welcome to the show. Here’s Dave Chappelle! Woooooooo!

[Dave Chappelle]
Oh, man. Oh, shit, oh, shit. Yes, bring it on, bring it, man. Yes, thank you. Thank you, all. Thank you for coming. Goddamn. I did it big this year. From CABLE, nigga, goddamn. Thanks for coming out, and thanks for making a nigga feel comfortable... in "The Gayest Place On Earth." You guys got Disney World jealous about this, motherfuckers! Man, I didn’t really think it was that gay at first. Because I thought, "What is there about it?" Because when I was coming out here everyone was like, "Man, that place is REALLY GAY."

So what the fuck is everybody talking about? It’s not so gay. And then I wandered into that Castro. Goddamn, it was – I said, “This is America’s anus right here. This shit is deep.” I went to that Tenderloin. ...There’s nothing tender about that motherfucker at all, that shit was ROUGH; the OPPOSITE of tender. I have never seen crack smoked so CASUALLY before. These niggas were sitting in front of Starbucks, smoking crack AND drinking coffee. I said, "This is off the hook..." Talking about politics.

I’ve seen one crack-head trying to break into somebody’s car, man, and it struck a chord with me. I tried to stop it. I said, “Hey!” And he looked back and saw me and said, “Keep an eye out.” I said, “Nigga, that was ME that said that! I’m not trying to "help" you. I want this shit to stop!”

Crack-heads are like that. I had a crack-head break my car window one time. Broke it! You know what he stole? Fucking candy bar I had lying on the seat. That’s all he took. Just a goddamn candy bar. I was so mad; I drove around the neighborhood for five hours looking for a crack-head with chocolate on his face. I did that. I finally found him, I grabbed that motherfucker. I said, “Hey, man, what’s all this chocolate on your face, motherfucker?” He looked confused. "Chocolate? This is doo-doo, baby.” I said, "Ahh!" Oh, man. This place is insane.

But you know what I like about San Fran and the reason I picked this city to do my special is because of all the major cities in America, somehow people get along here better than anywhere else I’ve seen in the country. That’s right. That’s right. And I always admire San Fran for that. And today, I’ve realized how you did it.

Put all the niggas on the "other side" of that bridge.

There’s nothing – this shit ain’t happy on that side. If you leave San Francisco, they’re like, “Bye, thanks for coming to San Francisco. Come back in April, we’re having a sale on Birkenstocks.” As soon as you get to the other side, “Welcome to Oakland, bitch.” Click. Click. It’s fucking crazy.