Too Much Progress

That's when you know a guy was lying when he says shit like that. –

“Hold on, just let me think.”

– Your man ever said that to you? –

“Hold on, just let me THINK for a minute. Can I... CAN I THINK?!”

– Y’all women... you guys just make much progress TOO fast. Not too much, but you're just confused. You made so much progress you're even confused. Men and women, we both like, –

"What the fuck just happened?"

– Because women got ALL this money now, but they’re *still* like women. –

“Oh, you never take me anywhere anymore.”

And you'd be thinking,–

“Bitch, YOU got more money than ME, you never take ME ANYWHERE anymore.”

And at the same time, you don't treat a man like a man. You don't cook, you don't clean, and you don't do anything a motherfucker says. You tell the motherfucker what to do. I see women do this to men all the time. –

“COME ON!”

– No man wants that shit. I don't want anybody to tell me what to do that much. You got to work with me.

Like if it makes a man "feel like a man" to watch the game, and just let him sit down and watch the game for a minute. And if he happens to look over at you while watching the game don't look at him all mean and make him feel guilty about watching it.

Just *pick up* your own titty and SUCK it. Just try it out! He will INSTANTLY remember why he fell in love. –

“Ohhh, that’s RIGHT! I forgot my girl sucks her own titties from time to time. I can’t walk away from that. It's too hard to find.”

– You see? That took 20 seconds. You still can be just as busy as you want; just suck your own titty and everything’s cool. Or how about this? If you're making love to your man, you already make love might as well spice it up, right?

How about this: I *personally* like it... I like it when a girl tells me *where* to cum. Don't like it when she tells me *when* to cum. I HATE that shit. –

“Don't cum yet.”
"Oh, bitch, all these RULES!"

– Instead of doing that, why don’t you just tell us *where*? It would make us feel better. Especially, if you're aggressive about it. I like it when a girl gets wild with me. –

“Cum in my face!”

– Stick your chin out like a boxer. –

“BRING IT ON, motherfucker. You're a BUM!”

But it doesn't have to be that wild or explicit.
All a man wants to know is if you're interested and if you will participate. You can say anything, he'll be happy. –

“Oh, oh, cum on top of the television.”
"Alright, fuck it!"

– The weirder the place, the better. –

“Cum in my fishbowl.”
"Damn, fishbowl. ...Oh, shit! They're EATIN' IT! OHH!.”

– Fish love it when I come over. –

“It's that guy! We're having chicken tonight.”

You guys, man, thanks. This has been the best year of my career by far.