Kids

I appreciate you guys watching me because I do it for my kids, really. And my kids are off the hook. You think I’m a bad motherfucker, wait till you see the 2000 model Chappelle. This nigga is *off* the HOOK. My sons are bad.

My oldest son is three. This nigga made me a necklace out of macaroni. I said, –

“This shit is baller!”

He painted the macaroni green and put it on a string. He tied it on my neck and he told me he was proud of me, and I got choked up. And he thought I was sad. That’s how smart he was. He says, –

“Are you sad, Daddy?”

– And I said,–

“No, I’m not sad. You’re too young to understand this, son, but this is *fucking crazy.* ...You used to live *in my balls*, man. Now you’re making jewelry out of macaroni? You’re a BAD motherfucker.”

LONG LIVE CHAPPELLES.

Oh, shit. Thanks, guys. Thank you. That’s what it’s all about.

Everybody usually wants to be famous so they can rock nice jewelry and all that shit. I already got a macaroni necklace. I got valuable shit. I got – I got valuable shit. I’m not in it for that.

The only kind of shit I want to do with fame that’s decadent is I want to go to Vegas to the $5,000 blackjack table...and I don’t even want to play. I just want to be such a big star that I can go up to one of the players in a tight hand... and put my dick on his shoulder.

And I’m *such* a celebrity, they think it’s funny. -

“Hey, what the fuck?! Oh, shit, DAVE CHAPPELLE! Wow.”

- He gets on his cell phone -

“You are not going to *believe* whose DICK is on my SHOULDER right now! ....And this guy’s balls are as SMOOTH as EGGS!!! He’s had some *work* done.”

- Couldn’t thank you enough. God bless you all, man.

Keep watching, man. I’m going to try to make it interesting. Stay safe.