Trade Show

[Auctioneer]
Every year at the trade show, people from all over the country bring out their most treasured belongings to find out just how much they're really worth.

[Jingle Chorus]
Trade Show!

[Auctioneer]
So, what do we have here?

[Customer]
Yeah, I've got this necklace that my grandpa gave me before he passed away last year. Told me it has some kinda history, I don't- I don't really know too much about it.

[Auctioneer]
And you're looking to see how much it's worth?

[Customer]
That's correct, yes.

[Auctioneer]
Great, let's take a look!

[Stone dragging along floor and low humming sound.]

[Customer]
[Grunts] It's really heavy, sorry.

[Auctioneer]
Okay, [clears throat] so, this medallion here, uh, as you can plainly see, given the materials used and the primitive markings on the back, it was probably forged around the year 200 BC.

[Customer]
Huh!

[Auctioneer]
You see that sort of greenish-purplish glow, makes you feel nauseated when you hold it in your hands?

[Customer]
I was wondering about that.

[Auctioneer]
Yeah, that's clearly an indication that this is a Chaos Object.

[Customer]
Oh, okay!

[Auctioneer]
Well, this particular object was passed down through the Han Dynasty and survived centuries of territorial Asian warfare, so my guess is that it's been cursed and blessed and then cursed again so many times throughout various Shamans, Witch Doctors, and McDonald's lobbyists that world leaders have deemed it one of the thirteen Chaos Objects that, when laid out in pentagonal fashion, gives birth to the new Antichrist Incarnate.

[Customer]
Oh, that's what Grandpa was saying. I thought he said something else.

[Auctioneer]
Don't worry about it, though. The others have been dispersed all around the globe, so the new Antichrist isn't expected to arrive for centuries to come.

[Customer]
Holy crap!

[Auctioneer]
Yep!

[Customer]
So, what's it worth?

[Auctioneer]
It's worth [voice deepens] all the human souls on Earth.

[Customer]
Wait a minute...

[Unzipping sound]

[Customer]
Satan?!

[Satan]
In the flesh, baby! Man, that skinsuit was getting stuffy.

[Customer]
Skinsuit...?

[Satan]
The truth is that I actually gave this medallion to your grandfather, like, way back in the day! Like, the summer of '72, '73, I think? You have his eyes, actually, anyone ever tell you that?

[Customer]
No way... So that means-

[Satan]
It's probably how he died, to be honest! I mean, I've NEVER seen a human hold on to a Chaos Object for that long. That has GOT to be a record, it has to.

[Customer]
You killed my grandfather?

[Satan]
We all die someday, kid. Thanks for bringing this back, though. Small world!

[Jingle Chorus]
Trade Show!