The Trial

[PRESIDENT]
Monsieur
Let the witnesses appear

Sister Madeleine?

(MADELEINE rises, now dressed as a nun)

[MADELEINE]
Speaking from
A nun's point of view
I took the veil when I saw him in jail
Then I called the committee and Vatican City

They may sanctify Passepartout!
For in his demeanor
And in his behavior
He certainly emulates
Jesus our savior

And lo
His soul
Is good through and through
He has arisen
Like Christ from his prison
To take from the greedy
And give to the needy
He's pure as a monk
And a bit of a hunk
And he truly desеrves support
Of every sort
From thе court

[PRESIDENT]
Madame... whoever you are...

[WHORE]
I represent
The moral majority!
I'm profoundly sorry to see my dear old friend
In the dock
It came as a shock
'Cause he always treated
And greeted me
Very decently

[PRESIDENT]
The Communist party of France...

[PAINTER (COMMUNIST)]
We must state the rational view
We must agree
It is strange to relate
With the Catholic view
(Which is cogently stated)

That we must free Monsieur Passepartout
He is a man who can stand for the masses
His deeds are the needs of the struggling classes
To break down walls
And forge life anew
His is a struggle
We're struggling for
And to take from the wealthy
And give to the poor
Is a very applaudable
Totally laudable deed!

So we're all agreed
Dusoleil
Should be freed!

[PROSECUTOR]
What is justice?
What's it for?
So a thug, a nun, and a whore
Have their say!

[PRESIDENT]
You're right
Take the witnesses away

[SISTER MADELEINE]
You can throw us out if you like
Do what you wish
You will not cloud the issue
That if he's not free
Then the whole of Paree goes on strike!

[PAINTER]
And yes! We're forced to agree
He is our comrade
Our friend and our neighbor

[SISTER MADELEINE AND PAINTER]
We'll fight to the end
By withholding our labor
Til he's set free

[WHORE]
The same goes for me!
Til Dusoleil is returned to the town
Then my dress will stay up, and my panties stay down
No - I probably mean that the other way 'round
Yes, I do!

[ALL THREE]
Now it's time to fight
For Monsieur
Passepartout

[PROSECUTOR]
Ladies and gentle-
Men of the jury
I'm sure you've heard the case with ill-concealed fury
This is a total
Open-and-shut case
Because he either is a burglar or a nutcase

But then the fact that
He shows no repentance
Will make it easier
When I'm passing sentence
He is the nastiest bastard I have ever seen
Thus, I have no choice
But to condemn him
To the guillotine!

(Gasps)

[Chorus]
The guillotine!
The guillotine!
What can he mean?!

[PROSECUTOR]
It's this rather wonderful machine

Ladies and gentle-
Men of the jury
Certain truths are fundamental
Think what we're sowing
Think what we're reaping

If such a pervert
Is encouraged to go creeping
And then start peeping on our wives
When they are sleeping
Someone stop me weeping!
It is not in keeping
It is not in keeping with the decency of France
That is why I'm keen
To guillotine him
While we have the chance!

[Chorus]
No!

[PROSECUTOR]
To walk through walls and be imprisoned, then escape
Can quickly escalate to murder and to rape
Think of your wife and of your sister and your daughter
He'll ravage and slaughter them
As they lie in bed
Trembling in their scanties
In their bras and panties
With such repulsive fantasies
Fomenting in his head

[DUSOLEIL]
(jumps up)
Yes
I agree that anyone like that
Would be better off dead!

[PROSECUTOR]
A-ha!
See, he confesses
To these excesses
The man's an anarchist
A bastard, and a rotter
And he's as slippery
As an otter
And if we set him free
Society will totter!
He is a fascist
A commie
A plotter
There's one solution
And it's execution!

[ISABELLE]
(Running up)
Ladies and gentlemen!
This man's my husband!
And he should hang his head in shame and in disgrace!

(Hands DUSOLEIL a folder)

I have something here will make him falter
And alter the case!

[CROWD]
What an utterance
How runic and mysterious
Dusoleil looks as implacable and serious
As the statue of the Emperor Tiberius
Why's the Prosecutor looking pale and sickly?
Tell us quickly!
Tell us quickly!
Dusoleil is going to go down fighting
Jesus!
How exciting!

(SISTER MADELEINE cringes.)

What's he going to say?
It's nail-biting
Jeepers
How exciting!

[DUSOLEIL]
Now is the time for me to turn the tables
Here's where the underdog is to wag his tail
As you perhaps remember from Aesop's Fables
Occasionally, the tortoise will prevail!

[ISABELLE]
We declare
That that scoundrel there
Is the one who belongs in jail

Yes, I found these papers in the attic
Carefully hidden underneath the floor
Showing he was a traitor and fanatic
A Nazi sympathizer in the war!

(Shows a photo)

Here conferring
With Hermann Goering
In 1944

[PRESIDENT]
Let me see that!

(Revealing another photo)

This is you!
On a double date with Himmler
Your Nazi Party membership as well!

[PROSECUTOR]
Nein!

[WHORE]
Let him be sent to the guillotine or sim'lar

[ALL]
Just look at the man
He's culpable as hell!

Hip hooray, Monsieur Dusoleil!
And the same to Isabelle!

[MEN]
Look at the man
He's absolutely baffled

[PROSECUTOR]
I am baffled!

[WOMEN]
It seems his prosecuting days are through

[ALL]
Lead him away and take him to the scaffold

[PROSECUTOR]
My darling
After all I did for you!

(The POLICEMAN drags him away.)

[ALL]
Hip hooray, Monsieur Dusoleil
Better known as Passepartout

[PRESIDENT]
Dusoleil
Will you kindly say
Why you posed as Passepartout?