Dusoleil’s Revenge

(The office. The new BOSS is examining a piece of paper.)

[BOSS]
Dusoleil
Come in here!

What's this sentimental nonsense which has landed on my desk?
Tear it up
Straight away!

[DUSOLEIL]
It's a letter to my mother

[BOSS]
To your mother, you're grotesque!
Why to her??

[DUSOLEIL]
I'm her son

[BOSS]
If we compromise on discipline, there's very little left!

[DUSOLEIL]
But my work
Had been done

[BOSS]
Writing letters in official time is tantamount to theft
You bewarе
Yes, you beware, unlеss you want to get the sack

[DUSOLEIL]
Now, that isn't fair

[BOSS]
And if you dare to answer back
Then you may find that this epistle
Is the cause of your dismissal
If you're obstinate, recalcitrant and slack!

(BOSS chases DUSOLEIL back to his desk.)

Back to work!
Don't forget
That you're a clerk!
Who's payed to work in office time
You are a jerk!
You're an amoeba, you are slime!
You make me sick!
You and your cat can go to hell!
I hope she gets mange
I hope your mother does as well!

"Oh, it's really yours sincerely who's been doing all the work
As usual, the others have been yadda yadda yadda

If the world
Behaved like you
We'd all be writing to our mothers
And then criticizing others
So I'm giving you a confidential tip
Don't behave like a drip!

(BOSS exits to his office.)

[DUSOLEIL]
Like a drip?
Like a drip!

How dare you come in here and cast aspersions on my mother and my cat!
Here's my reply:

(He sticks his head through the BOSS's wall)

That you're a peasant
And I hope you die!

(Runs back to his desk and starts typing)

"...and both were sent in triplicate
And then attached to copies
Of your previous correspondence then for accuracy's sake..."

[BOSS]
(runs to DUSOLEIL)
Du-Du-Du...
Dusoleil...
But your head was
P-p-poking through the wall and then it spoke
Yes, I swear!
It was there!

[DUSOLEIL]
Sorry, sir, I don't quite get the joke...

[BOSS]
No, nor do I!
I'll say goodbye

(Exits)

[DUSOLEIL]
"That I have to inform you that your letter has been lost
Since it was sent to our department by mistake..."

(Sticks his head through the BOSS's wall)

Surprise, surprise!
What do you know!
I am the Wallman
Come to say
Hello!

(Goes back to his typing)

"It had been shredded on the seventh floor
And pulped on the eleventh floor
And later used to fertilize the flowers on the roof..."

[BOSS]
(enters)
Du-Du-Du...
Du-Du-Du...
You're still typing over here
And yet your head was over there!

[DUSOLEIL]
Over where?

[BOSS]
On the wall!

[DUSOLEIL]
No, no, no, I've just been sitting here
I haven't moved at all from my chair
Since ten to three

[BOSS]
It can't be him
It must be me...

(Exits)

(DUSOLEIL sticks his head through the wall again)

[DUSOLEIL]
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Lookin' at you!
I am the beast of Section 22!
BOO!

(BOSS takes out a rifle and then assembles it.)

[BOSS]
BUT I'M YOUR BRAND-NEW BOSS
And I will
And I will
And I will not let myself be flustered!
A boss must be the boss
And he's got
And he's got
And he's got
And he's got to cut the mustard

(Enters EMPLOYEES' area brandishing rifle)

And I'm supposed to be the pillar
Of the Ministry of Post
So I cannot believe in visions
And I won't believe in ghosts!
I'm sure I can't be drunk
Because I never drink a drop
So if some bastard's playing tricks on me
They'd damn well better stop

It's all a communist conspiracy
It's a plot
It's a plot
It's a plot to make me look a moron
I'm not a man to cross
So from now
So from now
So from now
So from now on there's a war on!

(DUSOLEIL tells returning EMPLOYEES that the BOSS has gone crazy. They attack the BOSS.)

[EMPLOYEES]
We'll show him who is boss
It is time
It is time
It is time
It's time that we got tougher

[BOSS]
If they don't know who's boss
Then the coun-
Then the coun-
Then the coun-
The country's going to suffer

[EMPLOYEES]
Our poor old brand-new boss
But it does-
But it does-
But it does -
But it doesn't really matter
'Cause we don't give a toss
That he's mad
That he's mad
That he's mad
That he's madder than a hatter!
A hatter!

(They overpower the BOSS and exit with him.)