The Second Race

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take you to the race track one more time, here we are
Yes, My Dick has been entered in another great sporting event
I'm sure you folks here are familiar with My Dick, one of the great favorites in Turkdom
Here we are at the 69th running of the T-Bone Stakes
It's another great racing day, the sun is hot, thousand fans in the stands, and we have some of the best thoroughbreds in the world here today
The Great Cabbage from the Patch stables, Kleenex out of Big Nose out of breath, Ice Cream, a great finisher, and My Dick, a favorite everywhere
And here's a late scratch, ladies and gentlemen: Anna's Ass has been—Anna's Ass has been scratched
And this is not the Anna's Ass has been scratched, the last one was a shame because I would loved to have seen Anna's Ass up against My Dick today
Well, friends, we're about ready to get started and our jockeys are getting on
As you probably know, My Dick will ridden by a Jockey Strap, as usual—it seems like one is no good without the other
And up on Cabbage is Fat Backers, up on Ice Cream is Topping, and for you late comers, don't forget, Anna's Ass has been scratched, so at least you'll save that two dollars
We're about ready to start, everything looks ready—just a moment, Jockey Strap seems to be having a little difficulty holding My Dick down
My Dick seems to be extra frisky today, it might be a good sign
And the judge walks in now 'cause whispering trips off, and they there go
My Dick breaks out on top, and lose cool for a spot he could in the 69th running
It's a great race, folks: Tomato, Kleenex, Ice Cream, and the late starter, I forgot to mention, Country Sausage, out there making those bids, jockeys moving their horses in position
Country Sausage out there now by a link, with Ice Cream melting in the pack, Cabbage in front of Country Sausage by a head, and My Dick showing his strength at the quarter pole
And now, around the far turn, it's My Dick out in front and running hard with Tomato trying to catch up
Ice Cream is gone, and Kleenex is trailing by a nose
And we're coming out of the finish now, and My Dick is getting a whipping from Jockey Strap, holding on to the lead, running hard, all covered with lather from this hard race
Kleenex never had a chance—I said Kleenex never had a chance, and to boil it down, Cabbage was cooked at the halfway mark
And Country Sausage is the only challenger for My Dick at the finish
Here they come now, it's Country Sausage and My Dick, running hard, and it's hard to believe that My Dick, after so long a layoff, can even run and be in this race like he is
My Dick hasn't run since his last outing against Cold Towel and Pussywillow, two great thoroughbreds and that was a year ago at Santa Anita on a sloppy track, and My Dick is known to be a mudder—and if My Dick loses this race, it'll be a mudder
Here they come now, it's coming to the wire, Country Sausage and My Dick running hard, and My Dick seems to be stretching out a little further, and My Dick stretches way out, way out, way out, and the winner by nine inches is My Dick