Mary’s Wardrobe

Oh, by the way, here's one where some of you folks might wanna know how you can tell the difference in a guy that’ll spend money and a cheapskate, there's a difference
Like, if you wanna know, a cheapskate, you'll see him doing a dance in front of a five-cent toilet
Oh, and here’s some news of the progress that we're having over in Oganda
No, one of these Oganda natives from the Bugenhagen village of Rocooki. he's here in America and he went around to all the undertakers and bought all the cremated bodies he could find because he wanted to bring progress to the natives
So he was going to take these cremated bodies back to the jungle and sell 'em for instant people
Here's a little poem—don't laugh soft like that, just laugh right out loud, like you're home cleaning chitlins
Go back to school—Mary had a little dress, it was split in half
And every time she took a step, you could see her lovely calf
Mary had another dress, it was split in front
And when she walked down the steps, you could see her wardrobe was in bad shape
A schoolteacher asked her pupils, said, "All the boys who want to be President of the United States, raise your hands"
And they all raised their hands, all but one little boy sitting in the back, and teacher said, "Phillip, why don't you want to be President of the United States?
Phillip said, "Because I’m a Republican and it’ll be a long time before we have another one"
Oh yes, by the way, I guess you folks noticed I haven't played piano, this beautiful baby grand here
I wanted to play myself but, I went to Europe to study and I just gave it up altogether because music can mean nothing to you after you’ve gone so far
My dad—I told my dad I didn't wanna be a musician, I didn't wanna go to Europe
I said, "Dad, I don't wanna go Europe!" He said, "Shut up and keep swimming"
I had a hard time, tussled tryna find a room, you know, I was there last May
They were having that oil and petroleum show, and at the time, it was filled with people, just people everywhere, all the rooms were taken
And I hadn’t unpacked my bag good when two girls came in the room that I did get and tried to claim it
I said, "Now, look, y'all are wrong, I came here and I paid two days rent in this motel and you two girls..."
And one girl said, "Well, we paid and we just left out here a minute to see if we could change rooms, and this is our room and we're not leaving"
I said, "Now, look, I'ma give y'all six hours to get outta here"