Texas

Say, you know, I was on this tour down south, I rolled through Texas and quite a few of the other places, really
Aw, Texas ain't nothin’ but miles and miles of nothin' but miles and more miles
Really, I love it, though—I was in Houston, San Anton', El Paso, Galveston (Abilene)—no, I went through Abilene, they had little action down there
Yeah, I wanted no part of it myself—not that I’m chicken—I'm not chicken, I'm duck—yeah, I ducked that
But, uh, really had a fine time down in—but we ran out of water, you know, it got hot, it was hot in Texas
No, really, it was 413 in ice water down there at one time, it was really hot down there
And our oil ran out, and we stopped by an old lady's there on the side of the road
And we went in to see if we could get some kind of information where a service station was or maybe she had some oil herself
So we ask her, did she have any kind of oil at all, we needed some oil in order to make it to a gas station, anything, some bacon skins, some fatback dripping, we even asked her, said, "Could you give us some castor oil?"
Said, "Nope," she was nice, she said, "I can't give you boys no castor oil, but I'll give you a nice dose of salts"
I don't know whether you heard this story but it's supposed to have taken place in New York
You know, in New York, they have those places—they’re tearing ’em down now, but they got those railroad apartments where you look in, see out the back alley
No, you open the front door you can look out in the back alley if you got a fair way to wave
But these three old maid sisters, they lived on Lenox Avenue around 137th Street, they saw this sale in the paper on meats
And these three sisters decided to go down to the butcher store and get some meat
And, they were down in the butcher store, and while they were gone, a wino happened to stagger in the building where they live, and he staggered in their place and bumped up against the door as he went to turn to go up on the second flight and their door opened—one of the sisters forgot to lock the door
And this wino went inside, it was some three bowls of soup on the table, and he was hungry and drunk, he went over and taste the first bowl, he said, "Uh, ah, whew," it was too hot for him; he tasted the second bowl but it was too cold, but the third bowl was just right, and he drank down and staggered on out in the hall and walked on up the hall in this railroad place, and looked over on the right, it was a bedroom, he looked in, and went in, saw the bed, laid down, it was too soft; went out in the hall and went in the second bedroom, laid down but it was too hard for him; and he went into the third bedroom and laid down, it was just right and this went on to sleep *snoring*
And by this time, the sisters had bought the pig feet from the store where they went to get and came on back upstairs and they noticed their door was ajar, and they ran in to check and see if somebody had beat 'em, but it wasn’t. They looked in the kitchen and one said, "Someone's been eating out of my soup," and the second sister said, "Someone's been eating out of my soup," and the third sister said, "And my soup is all gone." And they ran out in the hall, ran up this railroad apartment, looked over and one sister came to her bedroom, said, "Someone's been laying in my bed," the second sister said, "And someone’s been laying my bed," and the third sister went in there and saw this big wino laying there about two-five and broad shoulders, she said, "Well, good night, girls."