The Courtship

[Spoken Lyrics: Henry Phillips, Cecily Knobler]
Hello?
Hello, Cecily?
Yeah!
Hey! It's Henry
A-hey—wait—who?
Henry? Oh, I'm sorry
I met you at Kinko's yesterday
You got your résumé copied and I was the one that helped you
Oh, yeah, that's right. Hey! What's up?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Not much, uh, well, listen, I-I'm not very good at this and, uh, but
I don't if you're doing anything friday night or not-
Wait, hold on, how did you get my number again?
It was on your account
Oh! So you just took- that's kinda weird that you just took it from my...
Yeah Yeah
I guess, but, uh, listen, I know you like John Mayer and everything, and I was thinking
Hold on, how would you know that I like John Mayer?
Where would you hear that?
Well, you wеnt to this concert last year... Uhh...
I mean, it was on your Visa...
I did a cross-rеference with the, uh, Visa and it shows what your purchases were...
What!? No, that's not ethical at all
I don't feel comfortable with that
Yeah, either way, we're talking now, so who knows how it works, but, uhm
Anyway, I don't know if you're doing anything friday night, but I thought that...
I am doing something friday, I'm busy, actually
Really? Mm-hmm, for sure
It's not on your calendar
Why would you know what's on my calendar?
Oh, just- I- I guess when you got your new phone they synced it up at the Sprint store and then that
Okay, that is so not cool, like, I don't, dude, I don't know how you're doing this or why this is- you would think this is okay...
Somehow our stars have aligned and, uh, our paths have crossed and I think
(Somehow?) that, uhm, we can be good together-
I know you're Jewish and I'm not, or whatever, but I don't think that's-
Why would you know that I'm Jewish?
I've just always kinda been really into, like, ancestry and, like, genealogy and I looked up your family tree, or whatever, and, uh
No, I feel super violated, dude, and I'm- I'm not cool with this
Well, none of that's important, but eitherway
I have a shirt, uh, that I bought for you (No) and it's kinda like the one you're wearing now, but it's a little bit more of a-
How would you know what kind of shirt I'm wearing now?
I can see it
Okay, I'm calling the cops. Bye!
Hello?
Hello?
Huh, she's crazy