Duet

[Spoken Intro: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
...singer-songwriter Julia Lillis
Is gonna join me
Yeah, let's get it up for Julia
She's gonna help
This a song that we wrote together
Are you okay, you're ready?
Do you need to do some exercise or some-
Is it on? There we go
Okay, cool
This is a song
Okay, that says it all, right?

[Verse 1: Henry Phillips]
I met a girl at the checkout line
While I was buying a cantaloupe
And she was beautiful to me
She had a smile that could save the world
And her eyes just looked right through me
She said hеr name was Julia

[Verse 2: Julia Lillis]
I met this guy at the chеckout line
While he was buying a pineapple
And right away he stole my heart
He was tall and handsome and dreamy
He looked a lot like Prince Charming
He said his name was Christopher

[Verse 3: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
Christopher?
Who the fuck is Christopher?
And why was he buying a pineapple?
If you ask me he sounds like some kinda pussy
He said he just got back from Iraq
With a Purple Heart for saving civilian babies
He's a Navy SEAL
Not one of these self-involved musician faggots

[Verse 4: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
Oh, he's a military guy
That means he's probably out getting gonorrhea
From some weird island whore in Southeast Asia
Thank god that now he's back for good
Out of the Navy and going to med school
To become a pediatrician so he can save more babies

[Verse 5: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
So wait, you're telling me he's a Navy SEAL and also a fucking doctor
That means he's probably marrying some princess chick
And he has no interest for some small-town bitch like Julia
So glad he just broke up with his girlfriend Jessica
Some rich débutante who was too high-maintenance
Now he just wants someone down-to-earth

[Bridge: Julia Lillis, Henry Phillips]
Christopher, Christopher (I think I got to go fucking puke)
I am your soulmate (This guy sounds like a dick)
Not that dumb model whore Jessica

[Verse 6: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
So wait, you're saying that Jessica's a model
And she's also some like some rich débutante chick
And she's single, tell me more about Jessica
She's just a superficial bitch
Probably never even read a book
She just seats around, paints her nails, and waxes her vagina

[Verse 7: Henry Phillips, Julia Lillis]
So wait, you're saying she has a waxed vagina
And she's rich and hot and single
And her name is Jessica
No one would ever be interested in Jessica
She's not even capable of a monogonous relationship
She used to bring girls home and fuck them in front of my Christopher

[Verse 8: Henry Phillips]
So wait, that means she's also a bisexual
I think I'm falling in love with Jessica
The millionaire, débutante, shaved-vagina whore

[Outro: Julia Lillis, Henry Phillips, Both]
Christopher (Jessica)
I wanna build a life with you (I wanna fuck your shaved vagina)
You are my one true love
I love you Christopher (Jessica)