Settle For Me

[GREG]
When we’re together
I feel so grand
My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap
When I hold your hand
But I know there’s another guy
You fancy more
So, even though
I’m not the one you adore
Why not...

Settle for me
Darling, just settle for me
I think you’ll have to agree
We make quite a pair
I know I’m only second place in this game
But like two-percent milk
Or seitan beef
I almost taste the same

So won’t you settle for me
Come on and settle for me
Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride
I have no problem being picked out from the bottom
If he’s your broken condom, I’m Plan B!
So lower those expectations and settle for me

Am I okay with this?
Totally!

Settle for me
Babycakes, just settle for me
Schmoopy-pie, I’m beggin' you, please
Can’t you see the light?
Sugar jugs, I’m so bereft!
Demeaning terms are all that I have left
Of my masculinity
So, settle for me

Little girl
Don’t make me feel like a little girl
Exposed and raw
Whose boobs can’t even fill a training bra
...Let’s pretend I didn’t say that

Settle for me

[REBECCA]
It’s a practical proposal

[GREG]
Settle for me

[REBECCA]
It makes a certain sense

[GREG]
He’s a fantasy
But hey, let’s think this through
Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here
In flesh and blood and self-hate

[BOTH]
Settle for me

[GREG]
In a sad way, darling, it’s fate

[Dance break.]

[REBECCA]
You’re like Rocky V to Rocky

[GREG]
Solange to Beyoncé
Not asking to be your fiancé

But if tonight or tomorrow
If you happen to be free
Maybe, just maybe
Settle for me!