Satan III

[PAUL Spoken: Is there anyone here tonight who believes in... Satan?!]

[TIM Spoken: Satan!]

[PAUL Spoken: Satan!]

[TIM Spoken: Whoa, growing numbers Christians!]

[RICHARD Spoken: S-A-T-I-N! S-A-T-I-N! S-A-T-I-N! Go... Dark Lord!]

[PAUL Spoken: What a waste of a good joke that was. Have you ever thought about, this young people? Notice the numbers there are growing for Satan, but have you ever thought of this? Satan... Santa. Ah?! Santa... Satan. Satan, Santa. Santa, Satan. Satan, Santa. Eh?]

[TIM Spoken: Oh, they're anagrams. Move the N in Sa-n-t-ah and you end up with Sata-n. In fact, if you think about it, oh my God, an anagram of Santa Claus is Satan... Lacsu, Satan Clusa... uh, Satan Laucs, Satan Lucas, Satan Slaucs. Santa Claus, it comes back to itself]

[RICHARD Spoken: And an anagram of Qantas, is Satanq]

[TIM Spoken: And an anagram of the very word "anagrams", is grmnsaaa]

[RICHARD Spoken: And an anagram of XXXX beer is camel's piss]

[TIM Spoken: Yeah, although in Australia we call it Castlemaine Fuck]

[PAUL Spoken: But there are other more interesting similarities. Satan! Santa! Both are referred to as "Old Nick"]

[RICHARD Spoken: Satan... Santa... never seen together at the same time]

[TIM Spoken: That's right, Santa Claus always leaves the Shopping Mall before the horned one commeth!]

[PAUL Spoken: And you're smart people, here tonight, you tell me. Satan, Santa, what's their favourite colour? Red!]

[TIM Spoken: Red]

[RICHARD Spoken: Green!]

[TIM Spoken: Santa, Satan. Satan, Santa! They both like giving things to small children! He made me say it]

[PAUL Spoken: But the most significant fact of all... is this: in certain 17th Century woodcuts and some 18th Century engravings from the same period... Satan is often depicted... fucking reindeer. Satan, the Dark Lord, fucks the reindeer. Satan... fucks the⁠— "Ow! Ow! Satan, no! Ow!" Satan! Satan, the Dark⁠— Fucks⁠ the— "Ow, ow! Satan, no ow!" He fucks⁠— He fuck⁠— Master of all the⁠ un— Satan fucks the⁠— "Ow, ow!" You're looking a bit confused there, son. You understanding this or not? Satan⁠— "Ow! Oh, Satan, no! Ow, ow! Ah, ah, ah" bing. He f⁠— Satan⁠— he fucks the⁠ r— "Ow, ow, ow!" "Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah!" Satan, he fucks the⁠— He fucks the⁠— He fucks the⁠— "Ah, ah! Ah, Satan no! Oh, Satan! Oh, God! Oh, Satan! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, Satan! Ah, ah! Oh, God! Oh, Satan! Oh, God! Oh" He fucks the reindeer. Satan fucks⁠— He fucks the reindeer "Ah, ah, ah!" He fucks⁠— Satan⁠— Satan fucks the⁠— "Bambi! Bambi!" He fucks the⁠— Satan. Fucks them. He fucks the reindeer. "Ow, ow ow! No, Satan, no, no!" "Hey, don't worry about me. It's just a stag I'm going through. Hey everybody, everybody, the buck stops here." "Woohoo! Sexy reindeer! Woo, Richard! Woo, sexy reindeer! Sexy reindeer! Woo, sexy reindeer! Woo, sexy reindeer! Sexy reindeer! Woo, woohoo, sexy reindeer! Ah..." Schizophrenic reindeer. I'd just, um... I'd just like to apologise for the⁠— for the last, um, five minutes of material]

[TIM Spoken: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't apologise to these nice people, you apologise to Satan, our Dark Lord and master, because tonight, Paul, you have treated him with something less than respect]

[PAUL Spoken: Sorry, Satan⁠—]

[TIM Spoken: Nuh, nuh, ah *gibberish*]

[PAUL Spoken: Sorry, Satan. Didn't mean nothin' by it, just having a gag]

[TIM Spoken: "Didn't mean nothin' by it!" "Didn't mean nothin' by it!" I saw all those sexual allusions. And what the fuck does this mean? What does this mean?]

[PAUL Spoken: That's the reindeer antler]

[TIM Spoken: Oh, er. Oh, right. H-Hey, I just had a thought. Now I know why reindeer can't wave]

I am sailing, I am sai⁠—