Paperboy: The Musical

[TIRE GUY:]
It's a lovely Monday morning;
My ex is still asleep…
I’ll take off all her tires
And roll them down the street

It sounds a bit vindictive
But I swear it's nothing new;
I've been doing it for weeks now!
Rolling wheels is what I do!

[PAPERBOY:]
Hey Mr. Johnson! Stealing your girlfriend’s wheels again?

[TIRE GUY:]
You betcha!

[PAPERBOY:]
Well, watch out! She looks pretty mad!

[TIRE GUY:]
Huh?

[BABYSITTER:]
I'm on a walk with Junior
Like any other day
I'm not sure how it happened
But the baby's rolled away!

I'd positively panic
But it happened last week, too
Plus I'm just the babysitter!
Losing children's what I do

[PAPERBOY:]
Baby's rolling down Easy Street-

[BABYSITTER:]
Oh, that baby!

[PANTS GUY:]
I’m tryin’a get my pants on
But they're really freaking tight-
Why I’m in the street
I haven't got a clue…

[CRAZY LADY:]
At precisely 9:08
I come out my door and wait
And lеave out alluring bait
For the Paperboy I hatе!

[CAR GUY:]
Laying beneath cars is what I do!

[ROBBER:]
Give me all your money!
And put it in this bag!
I need it for my wife cause she's a
Shopaholic hag!

Hey, come on! Make it snappy!
This ain't no deja vu!
I rob you almost daily
Because robbing’s what I do-

[DEATH:]
I don't get all this fuss-
I'm just a normal guy
Who takes his normal walks
And collects souls when people die

I'd love to read the funnies
Or the entertainment news-

[ALL:]
I'm not that weird;
It's just a thing I do!