How to Beat a Monkey at Chess: THE MUSICAL

[MARKIPLIER]
This piece takes that piece, but that piece then takes mine...
I can't lose my rook while I'm lagging way behind!
I'll play safe and wait for an opportunity...
I won't let that cheeky monkey make a monkey out of me!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
You gotta be kidding me

[MATPAT, spoken]
Hey, Mark! What you up to?

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
I'm uh-

[MATPAT, spoken]
Chess with a monkey, huh?

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Yeah

[MATPAT, spoken]
Need any help?

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
I think I can beat, one little monkey
How much time you got?

[MATPAT, spoken]
Well, lucky for you, your old pal MatPat just so happened to be the captain of his high school chess team
They used to call me the PAWN-Star

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Uh...

[MATPAT, spoken]
Yep

[MATPAT]
Wait, Mark! Don't take it! That monkey's set a trap!

[MARKIPLIER]
He wants me to take it?

[MATPAT]
He thinks you're quite a sap
But check out this Bishop! You'll take his piece for free!

[MARKIPLIER]
And that monkey's got no chance to make a monkey out of me!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Smartest show in gaming, huh?

[MATPAT, spoken]
Hey! It was just a theory

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
Alright kids, playtime is over!

[MATPAT, spoken]
Is that The Completionist?

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
In the beard!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Look guys, I think I got this, okay?

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
You do now

[THE COMPLETIONIST]
Let's set a gambit! We'll take him by surprise...

[MATPAT]
Not really an option...

[MARKIPLIER]
He took, like, half my guys...

[THE COMPLETIONIST]
Let's bring in the big guns and force his King to flee-

[MARKIPLIER]
-so that monkey doesn't further make a monkey out of me!

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
Welp. That's all I got

[MATPAT, spoken]
What?!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
But you're The COMPLETIONIST

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
Yeah, and I'm completely lousy at chess

[MATPAT, spoken]
Maybe we should just let the monkey win

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
No, that's okay, I appreciate it
But I really, TRULY, do not need anyone's help

[AJ, spoken]
Help?! Did somebody need help?

[MATPAT, spoken]
Who is that?

[AJ, spoken]
Hey J. I'm AJ-

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
No-one important

[AJ, spoken]
Oh sweet, is that a monkey?

[THE COMPLETIONIST, spoken]
No, it's a hairy octopus

[AJ, spoken]
Oh you guys, I can translate!
I'm fluent in monkey!

[MATPAT, spoken]
Okay, I'm pretty sure that's impossible

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
No no, you know what? Sure. Fine. Why don't we try it?
Go ahead

[AJ]
(Monkey noises) Hello a Monkey! I talk in language well
Are playing a chess you? Your skill is very swell
My win wants to friend you, so loser will you be!

[MATPAT, spoken]
I'm pretty sure it's our turn

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Look, gentlemen. We're here gathered today as representatives of humanity, against a MONKEY
How long have we been oppressed?

[MATPAT, spoken]
Two minutes, forty-one seconds?

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
No more. No longer, we've been under the monkey's thumb for too long. We can beat this monkey. For our fathers. For our forefathers. For your beard. For his not-beard. For whatever your name is. A billion monkeys at a typewriter might be able to write Shakespeare but one monkey will not beat us today. I may ramble and not know what I'm talking about all the time, but we can win. Together as one

[ALL, spoken]
Yeah!

[MATPAT]
One of these pieces...

[AJ]
...has got to do the trick...

[THE COMPLETIONIST]
But how can we beat him?

[MARKIPLIER]
I'd recommend a stick...

[AJ]
It's crazy...

[MATPAT]
Bananas-

[THE COMPLETIONIST]
Insane!

[MARKIPLIER]
Completely nuts...!

[THE COMPLETIONIST]
-but I think we made a monkey out of-

[MATPAT]
-completely made a monkey out of-

[AJ]
We finally didn't let a monkey

[All]
Make a monkey out of us!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Checkmate!

[ALL, spoken]
YEAH!

[MARKIPLIER, spoken]
Sore loser

[RYAN, spoken]
Wow! Chess seems pretty intense

[DANIEL, spoken]
No kidding
What?!
Three in a row?

[RYAN, spoken]
Son of a-

[BRIGHTLY THE DOG]
(Whimper)

[RYAN, spoken]
I was... gonna say gun

[DANIEL, spoken]
Okay, you know what?
Let's try this again
Best out of twelve