Old Grand Dad

[Intro: Jiffy LaGrange and Dale Firebird
Ha ha, how you doin' man, nice to meet ya. The name's Jiffy LaGrange

Jiffy La who? My name's Dale Firebird, pleasure to meet ya, Hey how come you sound all old-timey like dat, you got some kind of computer effect on your voice or sum'n like that?

Heh, no computer effect, I just am old-timey, I sound like this

Whatever man let's make some goddamn music

[Chorus: Jiffy LaGrange]
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' bad
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' sad
Sometimes I forget to be happy a little bit
That's when I break out that old grand dad

[Verse 1: Dale Firebird]
Man I already had me a 12 pack now I'm switchin' over to that whiskey
If you wanna try and challenge me
I'mma warn you first, it's risky
I'm the baddest mo'fucker you can find on either side of the Mississippi (e'rywhere)
Punch a great white shark in the face
Couldn't catch the sumbitch he was way too slippery
I'm a grizzly bear I catch fish with my teeth
Don't even gotta hook 'em first
Eat a possum with a fork while it's still alive
I don't even gotta cook him first
Jump off of my truck roof and land elbow first on a alligator
Replace my muffler with a turtle shell
Still run smooth hundred thousand miles later
Mo'fucker

[Chorus: Jiffy LaGrange]
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' bad
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' sad
Sometimes I forget to be happy a little bit
That's when I break out that old grand dad

[Verse 2: Dale Firebird}
Check inside your asshole
You gon' find my boot in there
Take it home, wrap it up
Give it to your family as a souvenir
Tell 'em you just got back from vacation
They gon' ask you what's the destination
Lil town called ass-whoopin'
Population of one (you)
I bet y'all are wondering
How fast can Dale hang drywall?
Lemme put it to ya this way
My middle name is drywall
I don't even own no measuring tape
I do e'rythang with my eyeball
I'm a businessman, I'm a contractor
First estimate I'm always gon' highball ya
Mo'fucker

[Chorus: Jiffy LaGrange]
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' bad
Sometimes I feel really fuckin' sad
Sometimes I forget to be happy a little bit
That's when I break out that old grand dad

[Outro]
Uh
Dale Firebird mo'fucker
I been doin' this man
I was doin' this when you were swimmin' around in your dad's ballsack
Matter fact I whooped your dad's ass
You go ask your dad who whooped his ass back in 1971
At that old schoolyard
He gon' tell ya
He gon' tell ya Dale Firebird whooped my ass
Uh
2018