Born on the Fourth of July

Man it’s my favorite day of the year bro
Favorite day of the fucking year
And I'mmq tell you why
'Cause I was born on the 4th of July
Only desert I fuck with is apple pie
Stars and stripes the only flag I fly
And I'mma wave the motherfucker till the day I die
An onion ring
That’s what I call a vegetable
When I build a 3000 square foot family home in one day and also I do all the plumbing and all the electrical
Come on down to the job site if you're skeptical
The speed at which I hang drywall is fucking incredible
Let me ask you a question
You ever been to Austin Texas?
Eatin' a sausage breakfast
Motherfucker comes in talkin' reckless
So you stab him in the throat with your shark tooth necklace?
If you said no, I can’t relate to you
If you said yes, I raise my drink to you
If you said [*gargling noises*]
I’m sorry man I might have went a little bit over board when I put that shank through you
The only pasta I eat is mac 'n' cheese
I don’t drive it, if it’s Japanese
I don’t buy it, if it’s made in Europe
And I sure don’t eat it if it’s maple syrup
Let me tell you something
Next time you see me hanging out in Winnipeg
That’s gonna be the same day you see a flying barbecue chicken leg
Same day I go to the toilet take a shit out come a lizard egg
Same day I won’t work for a living I go on the corner sit and beg
It’d never happen
Not a chance in the world
I will kill you then fuck your girl then choke slam a bear then strangle a squirrel
My name's Dale
Don’t call me Earl I’m serious man
I don’t know why but every time I go somewhere people call me Earl there must be a guy out that look like me or something like that
Dude named Earl
I don’t know what it is I dont know if I have a lost twin brother or something like that
Hold on man let me get you, get you like