Hey Mom (Where’s Dad)

[Verse 1]
Hey Mom, what's doin'?
Dad's been gone for quite some time
Something happened to him?
Last I knew, he went to the store
But it never took Dad this long before

Maybe there's traffic
Dad always lets guys get in front of him like a laid back faggot
That's it, yeah, daddy's just not back yet
Dad's great, always running late

Must be rush hour, cars are backed up
'Cause Jackie Chan is chasing after some Asian fucker
While Chris Tucker is screaming
"And you know this, man!"

I hope Dad hurries back here
Mom, isn't it about time for you to shave off Dad's back hair?
It's getting pretty late, hope Dad's okay
How long does it take to buy a pack of Rogain?

[Chorus]
(Hey Mom) Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us?
(Hey Mom) I want Dad back even if he beats us
(Hey Mom) Without Dad, who's gonna feed us?
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza

(Hey Mom) Where's Dad? (Where did Daddy go?)
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of Spaghetti-o's
(Hey Mom) I could sure use Dad, right now
(Hey Mom) When is he coming home?

[Verse 2]
Jesus, Mom, Dad's taking a while
Y'think he got caught up in the porno isle?
I bet he rubbed one out and got caught on camera
I don't wanna pack up and move in with grandma

Maybe Dad got pulled over speeding
Bet they Rodney King'd him, pulled him out and beat him
That Dad sure doesn't like obeying the law
Remember when dinner was late and Daddy busted your jaw?

Here he comes, Mom
I bet he'll walk in just any minute
I bet he brought you some chocolate and me some dinner
He'll walk in any second, you ready?
I bet he's racing on home like a fucking Andretti

Okay Mom, now I'm starting to get nervous
Why's he takin' so long? Is he doing it on purpose?
Is he trying to suprise me? Is he buying me a' "Icee"?
It's like a Slurpee, but not as pricey

Where's Daddy? He really should be home already
Where's Dad, Mom? Is he buying you a tampon?
This is longer than it takes to go to the store
Does Daddy like us, anymore?

[Chorus]
(Hey Mom) Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us?
(Hey Mom) I want Dad back even if he beats us
(Hey Mom) Without Dad, who's gonna feed us?
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza

(Hey Mom) Where's Dad? (Where did Daddy go?)
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of Spaghetti-o's
(Hey Mom) I could sure use Dad, right now
(Hey Mom) When is he coming home?

[Bridge]
Who's gonna coach my "Little League Game"?
Who'll buy me clothes at TJ?
Who's gonna buy my first BJ from some Belgian whore?

Who's gonna teach me to get girls numbers?
Who'll buy me a pack of rubbers?
Who's gonna catch me jacking off to transvestite Asian porn?

[Chorus]
(Hey Mom) Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us?
(Hey Mom) I want Dad back even if he beats us
(Hey Mom) Without Dad, who's gonna feed us?
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza

(Hey Mom) Where's Dad? (Where did Daddy go?)
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of Spaghetti-o's
(Hey Mom) I could sure use Dad, right now
(Hey Mom) When is he coming home?

(Hey Mom) Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us?
(Hey Mom) I want Dad back even if he beats us
(Hey Mom) Without Dad, who's gonna feed us?
(Hey Mom) I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza

(Hey Mom) Where's Dad? (Where did Daddy go?)
I'm sick of Spaghetti-o's
(Hey Mom) I could sure use Dad, right now
When is he coming home?

[Outro]
Hello there, Son
Dad you're home!
Yes, sorry I'm late
There was a sale at Walmart
So I bought a little bit of everything
Well, that's great
I love you, Dad!
I love you, Son
Hey, where's Mom?
She...
She went to the store, son
She went to the store
Aw shucks