Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord &
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord
Schäffer the Darklord & & Jesse Dangerously & YTCracker & Coolzey & Adam WarRock & Dr. Awkward & MC Frontalot
Schäffer the Darklord
The entire song is a fantasy-themed metaphor for riding the subway. It prompts Schaffer’s therapist to inquire about his tendency to imagine the fantastical in an attempt to escape the monotony of everyday life.
War has torn this land apart, darkness is fallin'
Stalling industry is ground to a halt, vultures are callin'
All the people crowd into the streets, sirens and cries
Our last chance to leave the island, our last chance to survive
The people speak of our three queens, all were forced to flee
Into exile- to a lost isle, far across the sea
They have summoned all of their subjects to follow their leads
Some heed the call, some follow in search of their families
The road will be rough, I'm sure, could lead me to a grave
But I've lived life as a coward, now is the time to be brave
A simple worker, a common peasant, not much of a man at all
But if I do this, I will be a Hero proud and standing tall
The water is too choppy, so I go beneath the streets
Into the tunnels, dug for centuries that lead to the east
The legends speak of a creature, that lives here underneath
A subterranean colossus, a mechanical beast
So I go - Down, down beneath these streets
But I know - The Giant Iron Snake is waiting for me
And if so - I'll drive my blade into the belly of the beast
And if I do something, I will be something
So I go - Down, down beneath these streets
But I know - The Giant Iron Snake is waiting for me
And if so - I'll drive my blade into the belly of the beast
And if I do something, I will be something
I feel it before I hear it, I hear it before I see it
The rumbling roar of the beast builds to screeches
Releases the stones from the walls, dust fills the room
In the darkness, I feel the bones - these catacombs are a tomb
BOOM!
The Giant Iron Snake approaches, slithering
It's eyes light up the dark, and it's glistening - it's listening
I know it knows that I'm here, it slows as it nears
My moment to strike arrives, show it no fear
I go YAH! and thrust my blade into it's scaly iron side
Tear a hole open with both hands, crawl into it's insides
And I find in the beast's belly, all of it's previous hunters
Half-eaten bodies of others, numbering hundreds
All the dirty and dead eyed survivors frozen in state
They tried and died before me and met horrible fates
There's not a moment to wait, no way I'll die in this place
So help me God, I will fight or ride this Giant Iron Snake
And I know - If I can harness it, I can ride the beast
But Oh No - The Giant Iron Snake will not go in peace
If I'm slow - that awful monster will deliver defeat
And if I do nothing, I will be nothing
And I know - If I can harness it, I can ride the beast
But Oh No - The Giant Iron Snake will not go in peace
If I'm slow - that awful monster will deliver defeat
And if I do nothing, I will be nothing
Suddenly the serpent lurches forward, tossing me
Into the bodies, it's stomach contents jostling
I scramble in it's guts for footing, I clutch and find
The cold, steely bones of the giant snake's iron spine
I fasten it with straps and give it a powerful yank
And the creature leaps forward faster with the force of a tank
Thrashing from side to side with all of it's might
Until it bursts through the bedrock, and into the moonlight
It launches and crashes upon the beach with a BOOM!
Expelling me and the others from it's multiple wounds
Waiting there to meet us on the isle are our three queens
Along with our children, spouses and other refugees
A welcome of wine awaits, but first I turn and see
The injured Giant Iron Snake slipping back beneath the sea
As it heals itself our eyes meet, and at last the creature speaks
It says... (Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please)
Stand clear of the closing doors, please
Said The Giant Iron Snake to me in broken human-ese
I have bested the beast, it has delivered me to Queens
If you see something, say something - say something
Stand clear of the closing doors, please
Said The Giant Iron Snake to me in broken human-ese
I have bested the beast, it has delivered me to Queens
If you see something, say something - say something