Get Me What I Need

[ARCHIE]
There’s the cool kids –
There’s the preps
And there’s the skate punks
And the jocks –
And then there’s me

There’s the losers –
There’s the nerds
And there’s the stoners
And the goths –
And then there’s me

But then there’s you!
‘Cause you’re the new kid in the school
You’re not defined by one specific breed
And so you’re free to flit from group to group
From scene to scene
‘Cause you’re the conduit, the medium, the go-between
Which means you’re perfectly positioned to
Get me what I need!

They don’t like me
Even back before the crutches
It was clear
I don’t fit here
So it’s hopeless
I can’t walk right up to Kendra and say “Hey”
She’d run away

But look at you!
You’re making friends and having parties
And adapting with impressive speed!
Just twenty minutes when we’re sitting
So our knees could touch –
Yes, it’s a tiny inconvenience but it means so much!
‘Cause out of all of Indiana, you can get me what I need!

[EVAN, spoken]
It’s impossible!

[ARCHIE]
And what I need is-

[ARCHIE]
Kendra!
Beautiful Kendra!
Wonderful Kendra!
Make her appear!

[ARCHIE & BOYS]
If you want a girl
The girl you want is

[ARCHIE]
Kendra!

Very hot Kendra!

Go tell Kendra
I’m waiting here!
[BOYS]
Kendra! Kendra!
Kendra! Kendra!
AH AH AH
AH AH!

[GIRLS]
Kendra! Kendra!
[BOYS]
Very hot, very hot!
[ARCHIE]
Here’s the problem:
Every minute, every second that I wait
Might be too late
So let’s face it:
If I ever had the chance, the time is now
So who cares how?

Just do your best
And I won’t bother you again
And that’s a promise, guaranteed!
So you can help me out and we can both do very well
Or I can turn around and make your life a living hell!
It’s up to you, you’ve got a choice, you’ve got incentive to succeed!
Yes, I know it sounds insane
Jerry Lewis can explain!
You’ve got to help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan!
Get me what I-
Need!

[EVAN, spoken]
I’ll try!

[ARCHIE, spoken]
I knew you would