Every Man out of His Humour Act 5. Scene 3

THE PALACE STAIRS.

ENTER SHIFT.

Shift.
I am come to the court, to meet with my Countenance, Sogliardo;
poor men must be glad of such countenance, when they can get no better.
Well, need may insult upon a man, but it shall never make him despair of consequence. The world will say, 'tis base: tush, base! 'tis base to live under the earth, not base to live above it by any means.

ENTER FASTIDIOUS, PUNTARVOLO, SOGLIARDO, FUNGOSO, AND MACILENTE.

Fast.
The poor lady is most miserably out of her humour, i'faith.

Punt.
There was never so witty a jest broken, at the tilt of all the court
wits christen'd.

Maci.
O, this applause taints it foully.

Sog.
I think I did my part in courting. — O, Resolution!

Punt.
Ay me, my dog!

Maci.
Where is he?

Fast.
'Sprecious, go seek for the fellow, good signior

[EXIT FUNGOSO.

Punt.
Here, here I left him.

Maci.
Why, none was here when we came in now, but cavalier Shirt; enquire
of him.

Fast.
Did you see sir Puntarvolo's dog here, cavalier, since you came?

Shift.
His dog, sir! he may look his dog, sir; I saw none of his dog, sir.

Maci.
Upon my life, he has stolen your dog, sir, and been hired to it by
some that have ventured with you; you may guess by his peremptory answers.

Punt.
Not unlike; for he hath been a notorious thief by his own
confession. Sirrah, where is my dog?

Shift.
Charge me with your dog, sir! I have none of your dog, sir.

Punt.
Villain, thou liest.

Shift.
Lie, sir! s'blood, — you are but a man, sir.

Punt.
Rogue and thief, restore him.

Sog.
Take heed, sir Puntarvolo, what you do; he'll bear no coals, I can
tell you, o' my word.

Maci.
This is rare.

Sog.
It's marle he stabs you not: By this light, he hath stabbed forty,
for forty times less matter, I can tell you of my knowledge.

Punt.
I will make thee stoop, thou abject.

Sog.
Make him stoop, sir! Gentlemen, pacify him, or he'll be kill'd.

Maci.
Is he so tall a man?

Sog.
Tall a man! if you love his life, stand betwixt them. Make him stoop!

Punt.
My dog, villain, or I will hang thee; thou hast confest robberies,
and other felonious acts, to this gentleman, thy Countenance —

Sog.
I'll bear no witness.

Punt.
And without my dog, I will hang thee, for them.

[SHIFT KNEELS.

Sog.
What! kneel to thine enemies!

Shift.
Pardon me, good sir; God is my witness, I never did robbery in all
my life.

RE-ENTER FUNGOSO.

Fung.
O, sir Puntarvolo, your dog lies giving up the ghost in the wood-yard.

Maci.
Heart, is he not dead yet!
[ASIDE.

Punt.
O, my dog, born to disastrous fortune! pray you conduct me, sir.
[EXIT WITH FUNGOSO.

Sog.
How! did you never do any robbery in your life?

Maci.
O, this is good! so he swore, sir.

Sog.
Ay, I heard him: and did you swear true, sir?

Shift.
Ay, as I hope to be forgiven, sir, I never robbed any man; I never
stood by the highwayside, sir, but only said so, because I would get myself a name, and be counted a tall man.

Sog.
Now out, base viliaco! thou my Resolution! I thy Countenance! By
this light, gentlemen, he hath confest to me the most inexorable company of robberies, and damn'd himself that he did 'em: you never heard the like.
Out, scoundrel, out! follow me no more, I command thee; out of my sight, go, hence, speak not; I will not hear thee: away, camouccio!

[EXIT SHIFT.

Maci.
O, how I do feed upon this now, and fat myself! here were a couple
unexpectedly dishumour'd. Well, by this time, I hope, sir Puntarvolo and his dog are both out of humour to travel. [ASIDE.] — Nay, gentlemen, why do you not seek out the knight, and comfort him? our supper at the Mitre must of necessity hold to-night, if you love your reputations.

Fast.
'Fore God, I am so melancholy for his dog's disaster — but I'll go.

Sog.
Faith, and I may go too, but I know I shall be so melancholy.

Maci.
Tush, melancholy! you must forget that now, and remember you lie at the mercy of a fury: Carlo will rack your sinews asunder, and rail you to dust, if you come not.

[EXEUNT.

Mit.
O, then their fear of Carlo, belike, makes them hold their meeting.

Cor.
Ay, here he comes; conceive him but to be enter'd the Mitre, and 'tis enough.