Ding Dong Medley

ACT ONE:

Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever, man!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Like, whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)
Ding dong!
(Whatever!)

ACT TWO:

When you're born you can't move at all
Then you learn to crawl on your hands and knees
Then you learn to walk when you're one
Then perhaps you learn to run
Then you learn to drive a car
You learn that it takes you very far
But you learn too late
There's no escape except death

ACT THREE:

I'm the oldest man on earth
I'm older than that tree
I'm older than my mother
And her mother before she
I'm older than the doctor
Who delivered grandpa's dad
I've outlived everyone I've met
Since I was just a lad
Ol' Moses was my bowlin' partner
He bowled pretty well
But I'm still alive and kickin'
And he's burnin' down in hell
My life has been a good one
But it's been a bit too long
So I think I'll kill myself right now

ACT FOUR:

I don't like what you just said
It was quite offensive
I don't like what you just said
It was quite offensive

ACT FIVE:

The sun is shining in the sky
Life is grand and I don't know why
The biscuits were good, the toast was divine
But just shy of bundt cake is where I draw the line
Oh how I love you, you beautiful girl
If I loved you more I'd probably hurl
Your love is so sweet like blackberry jam
Perhaps if I spoke up you'd know who I am

ACT SIX:

I don't think he deserves to go to
That place where the good dogs go
Cause I don't like my neighbor's dog
He smells real bad and he went to the
Bathroom on my front lawn the other day
And I kicked him in his head!

I am the president of the ASPCA and I don't
Like my neighbor's dog cause he wants to
Sue me now that I kicked him in the head

My neighbor is a lawyer and he taught his dog
To read

Stupid

ACT SEVEN:

I love you so much, baby

(Ding dong)