Cacophonous

I'm a walking antithesis
Contradiction in the flesh
I try to move forward
While I consciously regress
My movements are erratic
And predictable as hell
I want to be mysterious and
Transparent as well

My thoughts are cacophonous
Yet the art I make is still
'Cause I want to make them
See inside my mind, with time to kill
And despite my better place of mind
The thoughts are in my head
I'm passive suicidal
But I don't want to be dead

And I’m afraid to be alone
I prefer to be on my own
I want somebody to be with me
But I don’t want to be known
And I know that it’s my problem
I only have myself to blame
Heard it a thousand separate times
Yet it never sounds the same

I wanna be a star
But I don't want to be seen
I wanna run away from this
But want people to know me
I can barely take living
But I don't wanna die
I want people to feel the pain in my songs
But don't want them to cry

I want to be seen as human
Despite my misanthropic disgust
And I hardly believe the words
Of the only human that I trust
And though I can see the truth
Through my irrational thoughts
I have a hard time letting go of them
Because they're all that I've got

And I’m afraid to be alone
I prefer to be on my own
I want somebody to be with me
But I don’t want to be known
And I know that it’s my problem
I only have myself to blame
Heard it a thousand separate times
Yet it never sounds the same