Bartholomew Fayre Act 5. Scene 5

To them Busy.

Bus.
Down with Dagon, down with Dagon: 'tis I,
will no longer endure your Profanations.

Lan.
What mean you, Sir?

Bus.
I will remove Dagon there, I say, that Idol, that
heathenish Idol, that remains (as I may say) a Beam, a
very Beam, not a Beam of the Sun, nor a Beam of the
Moon, nor a Beam of a Ballance, neither a House-
Beam, nor a Weavers Beam, but a Beam in the Eye, in
the Eye of the Brethren; a very great Beam, an exceed-
ing great Beam; such as are your Stage-players, Rimers,
and Morrise-dancers, who have walked hand in hand, in
contempt of the Brethren, and the Cause; and been born
out by Instruments of no mean Countenance.

Lan.
Sir, I present nothing but what is licens'd by
Authority.

Bus.
Thou art all License, even Licentiousness it self,
Shimei!

Lan.
I have the Master of the Revell's hand for't, Sir.

Bus.
The Master of Rebells hand, thou hast Satan's!
hold thy peace, thy scurrility, shut up thy Mouth, thy
Profession is damnable, and in pleading for it, thou dost
plead for Baal. I have long opened my Mouth wide,
and gaped, I have gaped as the Oyster for the Tide, after
thy destruction: but cannot compass it by sute or dis-
pute; so that I look for a Bickering, ere long, and then
a Battel.

Kno.
Good Banbury Vapours.

Cok.
Friend, you'ld have an ill match on't, if you
bicker with him here, though he be no Man o' the Fist,
he has Friends that will go to Cuffs for him. Numps, will
not you take our side?

Edg.
Sir, it shall not need, in my Mind he offers him
a fairer Course, to end it by disputation! hast thou no-
thing to say for thy self, in defence of thy quality?

Lan.
Faith, Sir, I am not well studied in these Con-
troversies, between the Hypocrites and us. But here's
one of my Motion, Puppet Dionysius, shall undertake him,
and I'll venture the cause on't.

Cok.
Who? my Hobby-horse? will he dispute with
him?

Lan.
Yes, Sir, and make a Hobby-Ass of him, I hope.

Cok.
That's excellent! indeed he looks like the best
Scholar of 'em all. Come, Sir, you must be as good as
your word now.

Bus.
I will not fear to make my Spirit and Gifts
known! assist me Zeal, fill me, fill me, that is, make
me full.

Win-w.
What a desperate, profane wretch is this!
is there any Ignorance or Impudence like his? to call
his zeal to fill him against a Puppet?

Qua.
I know no fitter match then a Puppet to commit
with an Hypocrite!

Bus.
First, I say unto thee Idol, thou hast no Calling.

Pup.
D. You lie, I am call'd Dionysius.

Lan.
The Motion says, you lye, he is call'd Dionisius i'
the matter, and to that calling he answers.

Bus.
I mean no vocation, Idoll, no present lawful Calling.

Pup.
D. Is yours a lawful Calling?

Lan.
The Motion asketh, if yours be a lawful Calling?

Bus.
Yes, mine is of the Spirit.

Pup.
D. Then Idol is a lawful Calling.

Lan.
He says, then Idol is a lawful Calling! for you
call'd him Idol, and your Calling is of the Spirit.

Cok.
Well disputed Hobby-horse!

Bus.
Take not part with the wicked young Gallant.
He neygheth and hinneyeth, all is but hinnying Sophi-
stry. I call him Idol again. Yet, I say, his Calling, his
Profession is profane, it is profane, Idol.

Pup. D.
It is not profane!

Lan.
It is not profane, he says.

Bus.
It is profane.

Pup.
It is not profane.

Bus.
It is profane.

Pup.
It is not profane.

Lan.
Well said, confute him with not, still. You can-
not bear him down with your base noise, Sir.

Bus.
Nor he me, with his treble creeking, though he
creek like the Chariot Wheels of Satan; I am zealous
for the Cause —

Lan.
As a Dog for a Bone.

Bus.
And I say, it is profane, as being the Page of
Pride, and the waiting Woman of Vanity.

Pup. D.
Yea? what say you to your Tire-women, then?

Lan.
Good.

Pup.
Or Feather-makers i' the Fryers, that are o' your
faction of faith? Are not they, with their Perrukes, and their
Puffs, their Fans, and their Huffs, as much Pages of Pride,
and waiters upon vanity? what say you? what say you?
what say you?

Bus.
I will not answer for them.

Pup.
Because you cannot, because you cannot. Is a Bugle-
maker a lawful Calling? or the Confect-makers? such
you have there? or your French Fashioner? you'd have all
the Sin within your selves, would you not? would you not?

Bus.
No, Dagon.

Pup.
VVhat then, Dagonet? is a Puppet worse than these?

Bus.
Yes, and my main Argument against you, is,
that you are an abomination: for the Male, among you,
putteth on the Apparel of the Female, and the Female of
the Male.

Pup.
You lye, you lye, you lye abominably.

Cok.
Good, by my Troth, he has given him the lye
thrice.

Pup.
It is your old stale Argument against the Players, but
it will not hold against the Puppets; for we have neither Male
nor Female amongst us. And that thou may'st see, if thou
wilt, like a malicious purblind zeal as thou art!

[The Puppet takes up his Garment.

Edg.
By my faith, there he has answer'd you, Friend,
by plain demonstration.

Pup.
Nay, I'll prove against e're a Rabbin of 'em all, that
my standing is as lawful as his; that I speak by inspiration,
as well as he; that I have as little to do with learning as he;
and do scorn her helps as much as he.

Bus.
I am confuted, the Cause hath failed me.

Pup.
Then be converted, be converted.

Lan.
Be converted, I pray you, and let the Play go
on!

Bus.
Let it go on. For I am changed, and will be-
come a beholder with you!

Cok.
That's brave i' faith, thou hast carried it away,
Hobby-horse, on with the Play!

Jus.
Stay, now do I forbid, I am Adam Overdoo! sit
still, I charge you.

[The Justice discovers himself.

Cok.
What, my Brother i' Law!

Gra.
My wise Guardian!

Edg.
Justice Overdoo!

Jus.
It is time to take Enormity by the Fore-head,
and brand it; for I have discover'd enough.