Bartholomew Fayre Act 3. Scene 4

Cokes, Leatherhead, Wasp, Mistress Overdoo, Win-wife,
Quarlous, Trash, Grace.

Come, Mistris Grace, come Sister, here's more fine
sights, yet i' faith. Gods 'lid where's Numps?

Lea.
What do you lack, Gentlemen? what is't you buy?
fine Rattles! Drums? Babies? little Dogs? and Birds
for Ladies? What do you lack?

Cok.
Good honest Numps, keep afore, I am so afraid
thou'lt lose somewhat: my Heart was at my Mouth,
when I mist thee.

Was.
You were best buy a Whip i' your Hand to
drive me.

Cok.
Nay, do not mistake, Numps, thou art so apt to
mistake: I would but watch the Goods. Look you now,
the treble Fiddle, was e'en almost like to be lost.

Was.
Pray you take heed you lose not your self: your
best way, were e'en get up, and ride for more surety.
Buy a tokens worth of great Pins, to fasten your self to
my Shoulder.

Lea.
What do you lack, Gentlemen? fine Purses,
Pouches, Pincases, Pipes? What is't you lack? a pair
o' Smiths to wake you i' the Morning? or a fine whist-
ling Bird?

Cok.
Numps, here be finer things then any we ha'
bought by odds! and more delicate Horses, a great deal
good Numps, stay, and come hither.

Was.
Will you scourse with him? you are in Smith-
field, you may sit your self with a fine easie going Street-
nag, for your Saddle again Michaelmass term, do, has
he ne're a little odd Cart for you to make a Carroch on,
i' the Countrey, with four pyed Hobyhorses? why the
Meazils, should you stand here, with your Train, cheap-
ing of Dogs, Birds, and Babies? you ha' no Children
to bestow 'em on? ha' you?

Cok.
No, but again I ha' Children, Numps, that's all
one.

Was.
Do, do, do, do; how many shall you have, think
you? an' I were as you, I'ld buy for all my Tenants too,
they are a kind o' civil Savages, that will part with their
Children for Rattles, Pipes, and Knives. You were
best buy a Hatchet, or two, and truck with 'em.

Cok.
Good Numps, hold that little Tongue o' thine, and
save it a labour. I am resolute Bat, thou know'st.

Was.
A resolute Fool, you are, I know, and a very
sufficient Coxcomb; with all my Heart; nay you have
it, Sir, and you be angry, Turd i' your Teet, twice: (if I
said it not once afore) and much good do you.

Win.
Was there ever such a self-affliction? and so im-
pertinent?

Quar.
Alas! his care will go neer to crack him, let's
in, and comfort him.

Was.
Would I had been set i' the ground, all but the
head on me, and had my Brains bowl'd at, or thresh'd
out, when first I underwent this plague of a charge!

Quar.
How now Numps? almost tir'd i' your Protector-
ship? overparted? overparted?

Was.
Why, I cannot tell, Sir, it may be I am, dos't
grieve you?

Quar.
No, I swear dos't not, Numps: to satisfie you.
Was. Numps? 'Sblood, you are fine and familiar! how
long ha' we been acquainted, I pray you?

Quar.
I think it may be remembred, Numps, that?
'twas since Morning sure.

Was.
Why, I hope I know't well enough, Sir, I did
not ask to be told.

Quar.
No? why then?

Was.
It's no matter why, you see with your Eyes, now,
what I said to you to day? you'll believe me another
time?

Quar.
Are you removing the Fair, Numps?

VVas.
A pretty question! and a very civil one! yes faith,
I ha' my lading you see; or shall have anon, you may
know whose Beast I am by my Burthen. If the Pan-
nier-mans Jack were ever better known by his Loyns of
Mutton, I'll be flead, and feed Dogs for him when his
time comes.

VVin.
How melancholick Mistris Grace is yonder! pray
thee let's go enter our selves in Grace, with her.

Cok.
Those six Horses, Friend I'll have ——

VVas.
How!

Cok.
And the three Jews-trumps; and half a dozen
o' Birds, and that Drum, (I have one Drum already)
and your Smiths; I like that device o' your Smiths,
very pretty well, and four Halberts — and (le' me see)
that fine painted great Lady, and her three Women for
state, I'll have.

VVas.
No, the Shop; buy the whole Shop, it will be
best, the Shop, the Shop!

Lea.
If his Worship please.

VVas.
Yes, and keep it during the Fair, Bobchin.

Cok.
Peace, Numps. Friend, do not meddle with him,
an' you be wise, and would shew your Head above
board: he will sting thorow your wrought Night-cap,
believe me. A set of these Violins, I would buy too,
for a delicate young noise I have i' the Countrey, that
are every one a size less then another, just like your
Fiddles. I would fain have a fine young Masque at my
Marriage, now I think on't: but I do want such a
number o' things. And Numps will not help me now,
and I dare not speak to him.

Tra.
Will your Worship buy any Ginger-bread, very
good Bread, comfortable Bread?

Cok.
Ginger-bread! yes, let's see.

VVas.
There's the t'other sprindge?

[He runs to her Shop.

Lea.
Is this well, goody Jone? to interrupt my Mar-
ket in the midst? and call away my Customers? can
you answer this at the Piepouldres?

Tra.
Why? if his Master-ship have a mind to buy, I
hope my Ware lies as open as another's; I may shew
my Ware as well as you yours.

Cok.
Hold your peace; I'll content you both: I'll buy
up his Shop and thy Basket.

VVas.
Will you i' faith?

Lea.
Why should you put him from it Friend?

VVas.
Cry you mercy! you'ld be sold too, would you?
what's the price on you? Jerkin, and all as you stand?
ha' you any Qualities?

Tra.
Yes, Good-man-angry-man, you shall find he
has Qualities if you cheapen him.

VVas.
Gods so, you ha' the selling of him! what are
they? will they be bought for Love or Money?

Tra.
No indeed, Sir.

VVas.
For what then, Victuals?

Tra.
He scorns Victuals, Sir, he has Bread and But-
ter at home, thanks be to God! and yet he will do more
for a good Meal, if the Toy take him i' the Belly: mar-
ry then they must not set him at lower ends; if they do,
he'll go away though he fast. But put him a top o' the
Table, where his place is, and he'll do you forty fine things.
He has not been sent for, and sought out for nothing, at
your great City-suppers, to put down Coriat and Cokeley,
and been laught at for his labour; he'll play you all the
Puppets i' the Town over, and the Players, every Compa-
ny, and his own Company too; he spares no body!

Cok.
I' faith?

Tra.
He was the first, Sir, that ever baited the Fellow
i' the Bear's Skin, an't like your Worship: no Dog ever
came near him since. And for fine Motions!

Cok.
Is he good at those too? can he set out a Mask
trow?

Tra.
O Lord, Master! sought to far and neer for his
Inventions: and he engrosses all, he makes all the Pup-
pets i' the Fair.

Cok.
Do'st thou (in troth) old Velvet Jerkin? give
me thy hand.

Tra.
Nay, Sir, you shall see him in his Velvet Jerkin,
and a Scarf too, at night, when you hear him interpret
Master Little-wit's Motion.

Cok.
Speak no more, but shut up Shop presently,
Friend, I'll buy both it and thee too, to carry down
with me, and her Hamper, beside. Thy Shop shall fur-
nish out the Mask, and hers the Banquet: I cannot go
less, to set out any thing with credit. What's the price,
at a word, o' thy whole Shop, Case, and all as it stands?

Lea.
Sir, it stands me in Six and twenty Shilling se-
ven Pence half-penny, besides Three Shillings for my
ground.

Cok.
Well, Thirty Shillings will do all, then! And
what comes yours too?

Tra.
Four Shillings and eleven Pence, Sir, Ground
and all, an't like your Worship.

Cok.
Yes, it does like my Worship very well, poor
Woman, that's Five Shillings more, what a Mask shall I
furnish out, for Forty Shillings? (Twenty pound Scotch)
and a Banquet of Ginger-bread? there's a stately thing!
Numps? Sister? and my Wedding Gloves too? (that I
never thought on afore.) All my Wedding Gloves,
Ginger-bread? O me! what a device will there be? to
make 'em eat their Fingers ends! and delicate Brooches
for the Bride-men! and all! and then I'll ha' this Poesie
put to 'em: For the best Grace, meaning Mistris Grace,
my Wedding Poesie.

Gra.
I am beholden to you, Sir, and to your Bar-
tholomew Wit.

VVas.
You do not mean this, do you? is this your
first Purchase?

Cok.
Yes faith, and I do not think, Numps, but thou'lt
say, it was the wisest Act that ever I did in my Ward-
ship.

VVas.
Like enough! I shall say any thing. I!