Why?

[Part I: Produced by Lucid Soundz]

[Intro]
Lucid
If I keep you in my thoughts, the “what ifs” keep popping up
The “what ifs” keep popping up
They keep popping up
Life goes on, why can't I do the same
I’m tired of running in circles
I'm tired of running in circles
I'm tired of running in circles
Life goes on, why can’t I do the same

[Verse: Jonny Farias]
It's been crazy up in my mental, so welcome to paranoia
Reminiscing ‘bout my days in California
At wit's end, but been trying to keep the chin high
Consume a lot of food for thought, but it don't sit right
Pitched lines to everyone when things were looking grim
At my lowest, I tend to sugarcoat the shape I'm in
Through the cracks, I slip, in quicksand, I sink
All aboard the tanking ship, you blink and then it's missed
Life goes on, why can't I do the same?
Everybody's having fun, why can’t I do the same?
This sting’s excruciating, these things accumulate
Cast my sins into the sea, they come back like boomerang
Rain on the windowpane, I've been waiting for the pain to stop
Running out of things to blame it on
Maybe it’s for the best if I stay away from y'all
Monkey on my back, couldn't shake it off
Feeling boxed in, don't fit in anywhere that ain’t a coffin
May be appalling, but can you bear my gospel?
My walks are stained by sonder, my thoughts are staying somber (Lucid)
These bars remain alarming, these walls contain a monster
Five stages, migraines, and time wasted
The black sheep, the outcast amongst smiling faces
Hard to share the lowlights with my constellation
Inside, I'm vacant and yet I'm filled with this constant aching
I wanna say it's in my head until it isn't
Cemetery visits leaving me introspective
Wait, yo, the days go so fast and be so intermittent
Need an intermission, big picture, no filter
I've been trapped in a snare, kick off another prayer
Submerged in the doldrums, gasping for air
In a sad state of affairs, dashing from what fears me
Mad face in the mirror and can't change the appearance
I'm broken beyond repair, don't feel like I belong here
I don't belong here, walk with my head hung
Aggression been pent up, unhappy camper with his tent up
Been stuck tryna love somebody when I got no self-love
Oh, all that affection, but for what?
The love I gave you, was it enough?
'Cause my attempts to make you feel secure
Made you more uncomfortable and scared than you were before, Lord
They say that you're the company you keep so keep your distance
Crying “Timber!”, I lumber with splintered intuitions
I've let opinions take dominion over the way I'm living
Imprisoned by my inhibitions, pleaded for remission
Grief-stricken, I've been letting it get to me
Catch me in the balance, my sanity in jeopardy (Lucid)
Dissatisfied, agonizingly fill my pad with lines
Analyzed my condition, it leaves me asking why

[Outro: Alex Trebek & James Holzhauer]
And "this is for you, granny". Is your grandma still alive?
No
No, oh
You're gonna add some more money
You have just set a one-day record, again. $131,127

[Part II: Produced by Nayz]

[Intro: Jonny Farias, Sam Trottenberg, Unidentified voice, & Rum Nitty]
How does it feel to have gotten into Fordham University?
Oh my God
That's fine, that's fine, that's fine
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
There's so many people here, I didn't think that this many people would be coming here, but it is what it is, uh
I am champion
On God, don't look back, you'll get assaulted like Lot's wife

[Pre-Chorus: Jonny Farias]
What am I?
Trapped in my cocoon, thought I was a butterfly
Too reserved, I'm no butterfly
Wish I could go back in time, past been affecting me like butterfly
Hard to stomach like butterflies
Multiplicity of selves, but I keep transforming into that other guy
Metamorphosis is nullified
I wonder why

[Chorus: Jonny Farias]
You're the one I want in my life, baby, stay a while
You always seem to find a way to make me smile
I know it's stupid, but I just can't help myself
I just can't help myself, I just can't help myself

[Verse: Jonny Farias]
Tons of thoughts of love and loss
They run amok, my destructive customs toxic
Things are giving way, so I cut my losses
But then I'll have nothing left (nothing left)
Why am I living a life that don't seem real?
Why do I always have to make things a big deal?
Why do I try if I'll just create problems?
Why do I ruin everything I'm a part of?

[Chorus: Jonny Farias]
You're the one I want in my life, baby, stay a while
You always seem to find a way to make me smile
I know it's stupid, but I just can't help myself
I just can't help myself, I just can't help myself
You're the one I want in my life, could you stay a while?
You always seem to find a way to make me smile
I know it's stupid, but I just can't help myself
I just can't help myself, my life's a living hell

[Bridge: Jonny Farias & Whitney Houston]
If he bleeds, he bleeds, if he dies, he dies
Blood on the paper so you can feel what the pain like
If he bleeds, he bleeds, if he dies, he dies
I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy
If he bleeds, he bleeds, if he dies, he dies
Blood on the paper so you can feel what the pain like
If he bleeds, he bleeds, if he dies, he dies
Man in the mirror, look your killer in the eyes

[Outro: Jonny Farias & Olivia Wilde (as Charlotte Carson)]
Why'd I never seize the chance to give you thanks?
Picture that, took a picture of our last time
The love and peace you had, it impelled me to try and change
But I'm afraid these matters can't be quelled by the mind
Why'd you go so soon?
That night we prayed for you, thought you'd make it to June
I barely made it to June, I went astray from the group
Curse that demon of the noon, the tar won't let me move (I think you're the tar pit)
Will you remember who you are in it all?
Who are you? Remind me who you are
I'm beginning to forget, I'm filled up with regrets
Lord, help me see the blessings, I was doing well but then
When February ended, everything caved in
I started to regress, I think I need some rest
I've been trying to catch some Z's, but that's a catch-22
‘Cause I never got no time, never got no time, never