Why Are You Friending Me On Facebook?

Why are you friending me on Facebook, sure we used to
Date, but I guess it just wasn't our fate
I've spent a lot of time trying to forget you exist
Now I see your friends online with the guy you cheated with
I knew our relationship was over for sure
The day you dumped me on my ass like a truck of manure
I dealt with it by never talking 'bout you again
So why in God's name would I want you as a friend
Why are you friending me on Facebook, dude
I remember who you are and I don't want to be rude
But in middle school we weren't exactly very close
In fact I seem to remember that you broke my nose
Daily beatings were our only interactions
Except for that month I was in traction, I remember
When those friends of yours held me down on the matt
I don't remember much of anything after that, so
Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)

Why are you friending me on Facebook, jerk
I can see you from here in your cubicle at work
In fact there's no place in this office that's safe from you
So I go home at five o'clock to get away from you
I know what your status is at any given time
I don't need to read it on that screen of mine
Seeing it would just be a reminder from you
Of how little work you actually do
You know it's bad enough I had to go and help our boss
Set up a profile, oh the hours I lost
Do you have any idea of the pain in my head
From when I had to explain how to use the web
I put up with your stupidity from 9 to 5
Beyond that I don't even want to know you're alive
So forgive me if I don't accept your friend request
But believe me it's really for the best
Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)

Now I got a bunch of friends and we keep in touch
Which is fine but sometimes it can be a bit much
Like I appreciate the invite to the concert for your band
But I have to work tomorrow and the show is in Japan
And how many group invites must I ignore
Before you don't send them to me anymore
There are groups about soup, hoola hoops, and poop
But I did breakdown and finally joined the Angry Cup group
But now I kinda like the whole group thing because
I can guilt you all into signing up for my cause
I don't want to help the homeless or save endangered cheetahs
I want Wendy's to bring back the chicken caesar pita

Why are you friending me on Facebook, at least
When it's MySpace I know they'll try to sell their crappy beats
If you think I give a damn man you must be joking me
Who the hell are you, and why are you poking me
You claim to be my father's brother's nephew's cousin's
Former roommate, that's great, it doesn't make us soul mates
Just because I have a Kevin Bacon style connection with you
It doesn't mean I want to play Scrabble with you
So I'm gonna find your wall and know what I'm gonna write?
That you are great in bed, and I had fun last night
Just to see the reaction that your wife will have
Oh, your a fan, and you saw me on the FuMP?
My bad! Sure everyone's welcome, come along
Kindly disregard what I said in this song
If you want to be my friend well that's fine with me
'Cause I'll be rockin' Facebook till I'm ninety-three

Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)