Flight Check

(Control) Aeronotic Inversion 1327 you are clear to land on runway 6
(Pilot) Aeronotic Inversion 1327, that's a negative. We're in the middle of a really good game of Scrabble at the moment and want to get it finished before we land. Request permission to circle the airport for the next few hours?
(Control) Aeronotic Inversion 1327, permission granted. And remember Kazakhstan is worth 30 points!

(chorus 1)
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) And it's just plane crazy and it makes me want to cry
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) There are safer and easier ways to get high

(verse 1)
I wish they'd freakin' hurry up and make a teleporation
Device so I don't have to fly when I go on vacation
That'd be nice, but nooo, quantum physics is haaard
So I get to keep being treated like a convict in a prison yard
As of today the TSA say you might
Have to arrive 3 days early just so to catch your damn flight
And the parking lot's a lot like parking in an abyss
I think my house is actually closer than this
I make it to the gate on time but find a huge line
Because the plane seats forty-two, but they sold a eighty-nine
Tickets for it, so we were stuck for hours standing there
While the kid in line behind me wiped some chocolate in my hair
At least I hope that it was chocolate, *splat* anyway
I finally found the ticket counter some time the next day
The girl spoke Swahili and hated men, that was when
I realized I'd never see my luggage again
The first carry-on is free, I need my glasses to see
Well that counts as number two so that'll be an extra fee
I didn't have a choice so I paid, but I protested
And then headed to security so I could be molested
They put my dangerous pocket change in a can
Then I had an X-RAY, MRI, and CAT scan
When they examined all my fillings I screamed 'cause I had had it
Why don't you just give me a prostate exam while you're at it
(chorus)
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) And I think the guy sitting next to me is a spy
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) When you hear a loud bang you know that something's gone awry

(verse 2)
I wish I had a better way to travel 'round the Earth
Instead of dealing with planes that's more trouble than they're worth
I don't understand the plans of the airline industry
That has me flying to Orlando by way of Milwalkee
That's just fine if it's from the midwest to the shore
But it's not, i'm just travelin' from here in Baltimore!
It's on the same coast, that's the most opposite direction
Why should I cross the country to make my next connection?
And speaking of connections, here's a great idea
If the planes having trouble, fix it before i get here
Don't wait til the last second and cancel my next flight
I leave for home on Saturday I'll get home next Friday night!
That is, of course, considering I don't cross time zones
I'll be back before I've even had time to leave my home!
It's like I never left, oh that'd be just fine
'cept i'll never get those hours back waiting in the line
To check my bags, get my boarding pass only just to be
Told it's thirty minutes to my flight and they can't seat me
So i get on a flight thats straight from here to there
They don't tell me it's on stand by but what do they care?
They've got my luggage and and my money, who cares if i arrive
On time to my destination, or if i get there alive
I wait for 10 hours at the airport, getting moody
But I can buy a pack of gum without paying any duty
[Chorus]
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) I got a layover in Hanover that's longer than pi
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) My honeymoon's in June, my flight's delayed until July!

(bridge)
(Chris M:) Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. I'd like to welcome you aboard Aeronautic Inversion Airlines. Our flight today will be 3 hours and 17 minutes. We're currently 4th in line for take off so we should be in the air in about 5 hours or so. Once we're airborne I'd like to remind you that you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you when we land in lovely Fort Lauderdale Florida, where currently the weather is a balmy 82 degrees. You do NOT have the right to an attorney. If we don't like you you will be shipped off to a secret prison on the ass end of Kazakhstan, never to be heard from again. And I guarantee you THAT flight won't be as comfortable, although they do have the same drink specials. So sit back, relax, and try to enjoy your flight. Or else

(verse 3)
Remember when flying didn't suck quite so bad?
Neither do I, and that's that's the part that's making me mad
And you know as we go forward things'll only get worse
Unless GM invents a car that has a warp drive first
Remember when we were all supposed to have jet packs?
Well there was no where for our luggage, so they all got the axe
The planes they build now can't fly themselves just yet
In a couple more years we'll have invented SkyNet
A new coach will silence the most vocal complainer
Cryogenically frozen in a bomb proof container
And if you happen to arrive at your port of call alive
You'll have to pay an extra thawing fee of $19.95
We have to turn off iPods, games and cell phones
As if I could crash the plane with a certain ring tone
But then the stewardess crossed a line she never should have crossed
She made the guy next to me turn his pacemaker off
I'm sick of being harassed by an undertrained staff
I'm sick of two hour flights that take a day and a half
I'm sick of tripling my costs because of all these hidden fees
I'm sick of flights being delayed because some guy in line sneezed
I'm sick of my luggage going to Hawaii all the time
I'm sick of my bags getting a better vacation than mine!
But the thing I'm sick of most, and what really has me pissed
Thanks to this song I'm on the No Fly List
(chorus)
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) I get nervous when I hear the pilot yelling "Bonsai!"
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Check out what you have to do to fly!
(both:) Flight Check! (Ian:) Crammed into a bullet in the sky!
(both:) Flight Check! (Devo:) Maybe if you're lucky you won't die!
(Ian:) Put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye
(both:) Flight Check!