I’m Not Your Personal IT Guy

[Chorus: 4x]
Click on help. (Call someone else!)
Or figure out how to freakin' (Google it yourself!)

[Verse 1]
I'm not your damn personal IT guy
I get no peace but at least now I see why
You ask me about computers, apparently I'm
The only person who knows how to turn the damn things on
Oh look, you can't configure your Outlook again
Well maybe you should write the settings down, my friend
But that might require a little effort from you
And Mr. Big Shot has more important things to do
It's fine if I have to explain it one time
But we're at number 29 and I'm losing my mind
So I'll just drop everything, deadlines be damned
And explain again though I know you'll never understand
Close all of those windows, let's begin
Click on this, click on that, now put your password in
See, you don't need to be a total wiz
No, I don't know what your password is

[Chorus: 4x]

[verse 2]
Why are your problems automatically mine
No, it's fine, I've nothing better to do with my time
But it's not like I ask you every day for help
When I make a dookie and I can't wipe myself
So what were you trying to do when the error appeared?
Then I curse, 'cause it's even worse than I feared
I see your PC is an ancient jalopy
And you're trying to copy a DVD onto a floppy
First of all, where'd you even get a floppy disk?
'Cause really, I didn't think those things still exist
Secondly, I don't want to be a spoil sport
But that's an Ethernet cable, that's a USB port
If you buy something new and don't know how to hook it up
It doesn't make you less of a man to look it up
You claim you're not an idiot, well prove me wrong
And stop giving me more material for this song

[Chorus: 4x]

*beep*
"Hey Tom. I was wondering if you could help me out
(Oh, here we go.)
I picked up a PC on eBay and got a great deal
(Uh-huh.)
It's a Pentium "eye-eye" with 16 "M.B." of "R.A.M.", whatever that is, and it's running at 120 "M.H.Z."
Is that fast? And I want to see about installing Windows 7 on it. Can you help me out with that?
(Bill Gates couldn't help you do that.)
Anyway I got a great deal on it
(No, you got ripped off.)
So I bought some songs from the Windows Media store and I can't get them onto my iPhone
(Of course.)
I was wondering if you could help me with that. Also I'm working with some pictures I took. I downloaded Photoshop from this web site I found
(Oh no.)
And I can't find the red-eye reduction button. Do you know where it is? Oh, and while I was on that web site I got an alert that my PC was infected with a virus, so I clicked on it and downloaded a bunch of software
(You didn't!)
So I should be protected now, but my PC seems to be running awfully slow all of a sudden
(Well yeah, NOW you're infected.)
I was wondering if you could give me a hand with that. Give me a call when you get this. (I most certainly will not!)
Thanks, Tom. Bye!

[Verse 3]
It happens every day, and I can't get away
'Cause they follow me around like a dog who wants to play
I know when my phone rings my day will be wrecked
When my boss says "Tom, can I see you for a sec?"
A second rapidly becomes an hour and a half
I would laugh, but I'm not part of the IT staff
So I don't know what I'm doing, I just click around and curse
And pray to various gods that I don't make the problem worse
Funny how I said before this day was gonna drag
Now I'm workin' quick 'cause his cologne is making me gag
He says I have to fix it and it can't wait till later
And somehow it's my fault he never backed up his data
There's still a couple quirks and it's making me berzerker
Dammit Jim, I'm a Mac, not a miracle worker
And when I finally fix every problem he ever had
My uncle calls asking 'bout his son's Leap Pad

[Chorus: 4x]