I Hate Mondays

Ugh, I can't get up right now, man
I don't feel good
Who the hell decided
That morning needed to come so early?

(chorus 1)
That party last night was awfully crazy
I got so wasted
Now I'm hung over and threw up so much
I can still taste it
I drink some coffee, pop some speed
But four days sleep is what I need
Passed out at five, got class at eight
Smash my alarm, I can not see straight
Man I hate Mondays

(verse 1)
I only got college for another three weeks
Trying to pass, I cheat off the geeks
For that to work I have to get to class
Which means, I really have to move my ass
So fill up my cup, coffee straight up
I drive in a daze like huh, who, what?
I make it to class but don't feel great
A one hour class, I'm fifty minutes late
Got a pop quiz, don't know what the topic is
Gonna have to take it, guess I'll just fake it
See the worried faces, all over the places
Pray to three gods just to cover all the bases

(chorus 2)
That party rocked, for three days straight
We celebrated
Hell must've froze, I can't believe
I graduated
My term paper wasn't great
GPA was 1.8
Got my degree, so I bid adieu
But now I'm late for an interview

(bridge 1)
Man I hate Mondays (HEY!)
I hate mornings (HEY!)
I hate showers (HEY!)
Man I hate Mondays

(verse 2)
I can't tell you what I learned in school
But, it didn't prepare me to become a tool
Um, there are things I never thought I'd do
Like pay close attention to detail
And I can't check personal email
And logic is never gonna prevail
Only two people here are female
And I think one might be a she-male
And my paycheck, nowhere near what I thought
Now I can't afford the TV I just bought
Out of tequila, beer, wine, and rum too
Watching The Bachelor, is this what it's come to?

(chorus 3)
That office party was awfully lame
I wish I skipped it
Brown-nose the boss, so insincere
It sounded scripted
I cut my hair and shave my beard
And now it's me who thinks I look weird
Go home at eight, in bed by ten
Just watch the news, then do it again

(bridge 2)
Man I hate Mondays (HEY!)
I hate Tuesdays (HEY!)
I hate Wednesdays (HEY!)
Man I miss college

(interlude)
Now, I'm gonna give you a taste, of what I go through on Monday mornings. A typical day goes something like this
*beep!* *beep!* *beep!* *beep!*
*beep!* *beep!* *beep!* *beep!*
(radio voice: Traffic on the 405 is at a total stand-still this morning as all lanes are closed in both directions due to an accident involving two tractor trailers, seven cars, an ice cream truck, and the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile. Traffic is being rerouted onto surface streets but they're moving about as fast as an old lady in the express lane paying with a check.)
Coffee! Coffee!
Coffee! Coffee!
Sittin' in traffic! Sittin' in traffic!
Sittin' in traffic! Sittin' in traffic!
Dammit, I'm late again. I hope my boss doesn't see... hey! Good morning, sir! No, I've been here for 20 minutes. I just had to go get something out of my car. Yes, with my briefcase. I don't go anywhere without it. No, not even the bathroom

(chorus 4)
That office meeting we had left me
Permanently scarred
PowerPoint slides with cheesy graphics
And crappy clip art
Was ill-prepared and underdressed
And there weren't no donuts left
Proactive this, synergy that
Then something 'bout wearin' different hats

(outro)
But after a few days of that, it's the weekend
You know what that means
It means I get to cut the grass, clean out the gutters, and take the kids to soccer
Do I really have to make the bed? Why can't I just leave it like that?