Wasted

Why did monkeys use my mouth as a toilet
And then decide to wipe with my hand?
Why's my big brain giving birth to a baby
And it's crying and kicking in my head?

That's the last time I get drunk
That's the last time I get wasted
That's the last time I have sex with someone I don't know
Yeah, but I can see my life is fucked
Yeah, but I can see my life is wasted
Yeah, but I can see the bars are open
So let's get another round

Why did someone shave my head
And write dork in magic marker all over my face?
Who's that couplе in my bed?
They hooked up last night
Thеre's condoms all over the place

That's the last time I get drunk
That's the last time I get wasted
That's the last time I wake up in someone else's clothes
Yeah, but I can see my life is fucked
Yeah, but I can see my life is wasted
Yeah, but I can see the bars are open
So let's get another round

Where did I lose my cell phone?
Who stole all of my cologne?
Why the hell do I smell just like a bowling alley?
Is this the best that life gets?
Gentlemen please place your bets
I'll be laid in my grave before I'm only 43

Why did monkeys use my mouth as a toilet
And then decide to wipe with my hand?
Why's my big brain giving birth to a baby
And it's crying and kicking in my head?

That's the last time I get drunk
That's the last time I get wasted
That's the last time I have sex with someone I don't know
Yeah, but I can see my life is fucked
Yeah, but I can see my life is wasted
Yeah, but I can see the bars are open
So let's get another round