Titties ’n Beer [Hammersmith Odeon]

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
Cause she was gone

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil
He's about this big

He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I swear I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabitch!"
Cause I was mad at him
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
And so I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG

And then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry:
Put it away
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?

Terry:
Yeah! Titties 'n all!

FZ:
Well, what about the beer then?

Terry:
Now were the cans this tall?

FZ:
Even her boots?

Terry:
Would I lie to you?

FZ:
Shit, you must've been hungry!

Terry:
Yeah, this is true

FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?

Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through

FZ:
Hey I want my Chrissy
'N I want my beer
So you just spew it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?

Terry:
Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil
Do you understand? (Ah yeah)
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for
Gimme that contract . . . bet yer horns I will sign
Because I need a beer
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!

Terry:
Wait a minute man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad
Why you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you

FZ:
Let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're supposed to be the Devil so
Whatcha gonna do?

Terry:
You still wanna make a deal, huh?

FZ:
Oh yeah, hey listen you can have my soul
It's a mean little sucker about a thousand years old
But once you gets it you can't give it back
You've got to keep it forever and that's a natural fact

Terry:
Hold on a second man, keep it forever? You're so bold. I mean, I don't know if I want to get into this after all

FZ: Look you either take my soul or play doctor

Terry: I don't want to do either one

FZ: Well I'm gonna make it easy on you, I mean since this is England and everything we don't wanna trundle this thing into the ground, you know. Real simple: all I want is titties and beer. Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer

Terry: Uh uh, no way

FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer

Terry: Negatory!

FZ: Are you ossified?

Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think
I mean
Hold on a second, boy
Because that's Magic Ink!

FZ:
And then the Devil barfed
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she said:

"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff
Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?