Dinah-Moe Humm [Hammersmith Odeon]

Doctor!

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She strolled on over, say: "Look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum
No way! Y'jes can't do it"

She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum, yeah
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
No Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe comin' from?
I done spent three hours an' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm

Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it

'Cause I can't get into it unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it before I get into it
'Cause I never get into it unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it to get myself into it

Well she looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said: "Just get me wasted an' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up then my body don't care"
I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin an' said: "My, my, my
What sort of thing might this lady get high upon?"
The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said: "Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet"
I told her:
"Just because the sun want a place in the sky
No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try"
So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked her if she had any cooties on there
"Whaddya mean, cooties!? No cooties on me!"

She was buns-up kneelin'
(Buns up!)
I was wheelin' an dealin'
(Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(Sweetly surrendered)
An' she started in to squealin'

Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down from the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked an' clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke about her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally did give in
But I told her all she really needed was some discipline

That's when I said
Kiss my aura... Dora...
Because it's real Angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the floor-a?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?

All right then!

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She strolled on over, say: "Look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum
No way! Y'jes can't do it"

She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe

You're probably wondering why I'm going like that with a microphone it's just a...it's just kind of an international gesture of trust, you see? I'll go like that, and when I go like that you'll just say "Dinah-Moe" and have a good time there in your seat. You'd be amazed what a wonderful sensation it is to be a part of a huge, choral organization. Your voices join together on those simple words "Dinah-Moe," all fifty-sixty of ya, just sing it right out. It could be very exhilarating, but then again it could be a boring waste of time like the rest of the program. Who knows? It's so hard to know these things when you go to a foreign shore. We'll give it a try. We'll find out whether you guys are hot, or whether you're not. Awright? Your big chance. Dinah-Moe? (Audience: Dinah-Moe!) Ok, forget it. Ok, let's see what we can do with these people, they're really very tired. Um...

Musician: Play doctor

FZ: Let's play doctor

Musician: Play doctor! Doctor!

FZ: No, I've got it. See this guy over there, the one that's sleeping? Everyone assume that position. We're gonna give you just a little dream. A make-believe...this is a dreaming, make-believing concert

You're falling to sleep. The queen wants you to sleep, you are going to sleep. While you are asleep you are going to play doctor (Doctor!) Only you are going to do it while we play "Camarillo Brillo."