The Swaggerific Bones of Cletus the Parrot

[Intro]
It all started when his marriage failed
Squack!
(Rosebud)

[Verse 1]
While it was revolutionary for its time
Citizen Kane has not aged particularly well
There's no arc explaining how he lost his innocence
Simply skips over his entire childhood in a flash
To cram in more of a boring storytelling gimmick

The beginning of the film spoils the rest
Everything else ends up as a tedious recap
The middle of the movie especially drags on
To the point wherе you might fall asleep
Then suddenly, the parrot jumpscarе appears

[Breakdown 1]
Why not just trim the film?
Why add in a random jumpscare?
It has nothing to do with anything
Literally added to wake up the audience
We all got trolled by Orson Welles
As his parrot laughs in our face

Rosebud, ugh
You see, the sled, it symbolizes, uh, his childhood, and, uh
(Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense, yeah, yeah)
And, uh, since it's very important
(Oh wow)
It means it humanizes him and then, you know
(It's so deep and stuff, right)

[Verse 2]
The movie also works too hard to humanize a fascist
Seen shaking hands with Hitler
Treated as forgivable just because he changed his mind
Implications of antisemitism never explored

[Verse 3]
The lack of clear condemnation has lead to a misaimed fandom
With fürher 45 idolizing Charles Foster Kane
And white leftists today keep trying to convert the Nazis
A platform is what they crave, they're not going to sway

What about the women he abused?
What about the workers that he fucked over?
Does an innocent childhood somehow make it forgivable?
Old white man circlejerk commence

Bree, bree, bree, bree, bree
Bree, bree, bree, bree, bree
Bree, bree, bree, bree, bree
Boo!

[Verse 4]
We're not saying the film is worthless or without merit
Simply that classic works show their cracks with age
And if society keeps holding these works up on a pedestal
Critiquing their problematic elements has to be done
And when nobody else does, we have to do it ourselves
Even if we're not movie critics

[Verse 5]
Nothing is flawless, nothing is pure
Perfection is meaningless, perfection is meaningless
Art reflects the time and place it was produced in
Think when you consume, think when you consume

Nothing is flawless, nothing is pure
Perfection is meaningless, perfection is meaningless
Artistic relevance might fade with time
Think when you consume
And analyze the way the story applies today

[Breakdown 2]
No sympathy for the wealthy
Fortunes are made with blood
Kane died alone without a soul
It is what he deserved

[Ukulele Solo]

[Outro]
All in all, it's hard to go back to Citizen Kane
The biting satire now seems toothless with age
And the screenplay is not Welles' best work in hindsight
Two out of five stars, would not recommend

And also, it's mainly achieved the status of "greatest film of all time"
Due to being an American export to a USSR-friendly European film scene
Meaning it gained popularity for right-wing reasons
Despite being a supposed left-wing movie
But that's a story for another time

Enough with the past (Don't let nostalgia blind you)
Enough with the past (Don't let nostalgia blind you)
Enough with the past (Don't let nostalgia blind you)
Enough with the past (Don't let nostalgia blind you)
Enough with the past
Enough with the past
Enough with the past
Enough with the past
Enough with the past

Enough