The Rape of Miss Goldberg by Marvin

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
"The Rape of Miss Goldberg" - by Marvin
Scene One

[MARVIN]
Hi Miss Goldberg at your desk
My name's Marvin we're alone at last
I turned fourteen just today
And I thought for a not unseemly price
You'd introduce me to the wonders of the bed
And also treat me nice

I'm the boy who throws the fits
He who puts the chalk inside his ear
Do you know me from a hole in the wall?
Marvin's cute though rarely good
But, dearest, please accept my hand
Miss Goldberg who
Is perfect womanhood

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene Two

[GOLDBERG]
Marvin how
Tell me how did you get in here please?

[MARVIN]
I drugged the man who was guarding this floor

[GOLDBERG]
Marvin open up the door
Marvin please turn on the light
Marvin listen
I'm the only one here in the school
Except you
And the guard who you beat in a fight

[MARVIN]
He was drugged

[GOLDBERG]
He was drugged

[MARVIN]
Not will pills

[GOLDBERG]
Then with what?

[MARVIN]
With some apples from a basket
Would you like a few Miss Goldberg?
What I do for you Miss Goldberg
Is your pleasure

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene Three

[GOLDBERG]
Why should Marvin jump on Miss Goldberg?
Why does Marvin dump on Miss Goldberg?
I know
When I first looked into his eyes

[MARVIN]
I like your eyes Miss Goldberg

[GOLDBERG]
Lies!
He has never seen my face

[MARVIN]
I have never seen your eyes

[GOLDBERG]
I was never out of place
I taught

[MARVIN]
That's true
She minded her business
She taught...

[GOLDBERG]
...I taught and I minded my business

[MARVIN]
But the business at hand...

[GOLDBERG]
Keep your hands off my eyes!

[MARVIN]
But the business at hand...

[GOLDBERG]
Keep your hands off my eyes!

[MARVIN]
But the business at hand
Is...

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene Four

[MARVIN]
I always liked the way you wore your glasses
In and out of classes
I always like the way you got angry in your glasses
That's cool
Miss Goldberg
I always thought those glasses hid your passion
That's Miss Goldberg's fashion, I said
Not it's my birthday and here's my surprise:
I'm gonna see your eyes miss Goldberg
I'm gonna see your eyes my darling!

[GOLDBERG]
Don't touch my goddamn eyes
You little shit
I'll throw a fit
I'll beat your head in with a hammer!

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
(laughs)
Scene Five

[GOLDBERG]
My eyes are my eyes
Your hands are your hands
Just keep your dirty fingers away from my face kid
That's the only thing Miss Goldberg demands

[MARVIN, spoken]
Now move

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene six

[MARVIN, spoken]
Now move! Now Move!

(sung)
Listen I'm a bastard
Bummer with a penis
And I mean us two to be together
Teacher, yes I do, I do
I mean us two to screw together
Me together
You together
Miss Goldberg?

[GOLDBERG]
What?

[MARVIN]
Miss Goldberg?

[GOLDBERG]
What?

[MARVIN]
Make Marvin a happy boy!

[GOLDBERG screams]

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene Seven! One, two, three, four!

[MARVIN]
Miss Goldberg
Miss Goldberg
Miss Goldberg
Miss Goldberg
Please, please, please
Rub your hands between
Your hands between my knees...
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la
Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg
Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg
Please, please, please, please
Please, please, please, please
Please, please, please, please
Please, please, please, please
Please!!

[GOLDBERG]
What does Marvin
Want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin
Want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin
Want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin
Want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin
Want from Miss Goldberg?
[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene Eight

[MARVIN]
Marvin always gets the things
He wants

[GOLDBERG]
Except the things
He wants

[MARVIN]
He gets the things
He wants

[GOLDBERG]
Marvin
Always gets the things
He wants
Except the
Things he wants

[MARVIN]
Marvin
Always
Gets the
Things he wants
[MARVIN]
He gets the things...

[GOLDBERG]
Except the things...

[MARVIN]
He gets the things...

[GOLDBERG]
Except the things...

[MARVIN and GOLDBERG]
He...

[SWEETHEART]
Wants...

[MARVIN, spoken]
Do you want my telephone number?

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Curtain!