How Marvin Eats His Breakfast (1985)

[LADIES, spoken]
How Marvin eats his breakfast
How Marvin eats his breakfast
How Marvin eats his breakfast

[MARVIN]
I love being Marvin!
I love being Marvin!
Marvin turned fourteen today
And eats the very best breakfast in town

[LADIES, spoken]
How Marvin eats his breakfast

[MARVIN]
Everybody into the kitchen
Here comes
Marvin
Banging his groin with his fist

[LADIES]
He mumbles in
To insist:

[MARVIN]
No one looks busy in this kitchen
And my breakfast isn't ready
And my stomach aches
I mean specifically the maid
Who is reclining like she laid the golden egg
I want some chatter and some gruel
Make me want to drool
Try to make me hungry

[LADIES]
Ohhh...

[MARVIN]
Cat got your tongue?

[LADIES]
Marvin always knows the sort of answers he'll allow

[MARVIN]
I may be sly dear, but not young

[LADIES]
"Wait until I'm older then I'll kill you"
Is his one unspoken vow

[MARVIN]
I need my breakfast now!

[drum break]

[ALL]
Everybody into the kitchen
Here comes
Marvin

[LADIES]
Aiming a gun at the maid:
He shoots her head, she falls dead

[MARVIN]
Oh Jesus Christ it wasn't loaded
She's an actress from the old school
And a lousy chef
I don't want miracles from heaven
Just some eggies over spinach over toast

No, I will not apologize!
She should win a prize:
"Very best
Emoting"

[LADIES]
Ohhhh...

[MARVIN]
That girl can't cook

[LADIES]
Maybe she can't cook
But have you seen her milk a cow?

[MARVIN]
And I can read her like a book

[LADIES]
Marvin wouldn't read that kind of novel anyhow

[MARVIN]
I need my breakfast
Now!

[drum break]

[MARVIN]
People, people

[LADIES]
People, people

[MARVIN]
Stop your staring

[LADIES]
Stop your staring

[MARVIN]
People, people
Stop your staring
Get to work
My breakfast isn't made yet

[LADIES]
People, people
Stop your staring
Get to work
His breakfast isn't...

[ALL]
Life is lonely
Life is rotten

[MARVIN]
And thankfully short
Thankfully short
Thankfully short

[LADIES, spoken]
Like Marvin

[MARVIN]
Everybody into the kitchen
Here comes
M-M-M-M-M-M-M-...

[LADIES]
Marvin!

[MARVIN]
Marvin!

[LADIES]
Waving his hands like a twit
He throws a fit
Then a knife

[MARVIN]
You call this breakfast on my birthday?
This is shit, this isn't breakfast
I could crack your feet

[LADIES]
No, no...

[MARVIN]
I mean for God's sake
Am I talking to the wall?
When I say breakfast
I mean food

I dreamt last night of hips and legs
Now I want some eggs
Things I might
Relate to

[LADIES]
Ohhhh...

[MARVIN]
I'm just a sprite

[LADIES]
Marvin underestimates the fear that he'll endow

[MARVIN]
I'll wait here 'til you get it right!

[LADIES]
Do I?
Do I really?
Do I really have to show you people how?

[MARVIN]
I...

[ALL]
Need my breakfast
Now!