The Mud Shark [Carnegie Hall]

FZ:

The mating call of the adult male Mud Shark . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Howard:

Good God! Say! Do the Mud Shark!

Mud Sh-sh-shark . .

Howard:

Take it away, brother Mark

Mark:

Right now we're gonna teach you all a little dance called the Mud Shark. Now the last time we were here downtown a little way, we started contriving this dance called the Mud Shark. Tonight we're gonna teach each and every one of you how to do the Mud Shark. But before we teach you this dance, I'm gonna introduce to you my brother, Frank Zappa, and he's gonna tell us where the Mud Shark he come from. Take it away! Here we go!

FZ:

Before I tell where the Mud Shark came from, I would like to introduce the most recent addition to The Mothers Of Invention. I'd like to introduce members, the distinguised members of the foreign press, who have been on tour with The Mothers for a week, and they are going to actually perform the Mud Shark dance. They're right over in that area there, and they have the details, they know how to do it, so when we give you the instructions on how to do the Mud Shark dance, just look around, you'll see, they'll lead you around the room. You can trust them, you know, they're part of the group and everything

The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows . . . Bring the band on down behind me, boys

There's a motel in Seattle, Washington. It's called the Edgewater Inn. Has anybody ever been to the Edgewater Inn? . . . Then you know that the Edgewater Inn really exists. And you know that this Edgewater Inn is located on pier 67 in Seattle, Washington. That means that when you look out your window you don't see no dirt or nothing, there's a bay or something in your backyard . .

This will enable the ingenious resident to participate in a little angling during his off-duty hours. Now in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there is a bait and tackle shop. They also sell knickknacks, doodads, and other necessary things that the people who like to go to Seattle and stay in such a motel could really get off on, they're real practical. China dogs, about like that. They also have a violin case that would hold several bottles of whiskey. Cute stuff

But they also offer to the general public fishing tackle. That means you can go in there and for a couple of bucks you can buy a piece of line and some preserved minnows, some dried shrimp, or if you talk kindly to one of the bellboys you can get a plate of salmon bellies

Now, you take this material up to your room, you open up the window, you stick the stuff on the end of the hook, you dangle it into the putrid bay out the backyard, and you wave it around for a few minutes in desperate hope that you will be among the lucky few who have actually captured the elusive Mud Shark. Or Dogfish as it is known in those parts. It's a shark about that long, gray and everything, with a sandy skin. And it can be very useful in conjunction with a young lady who likes to get reamed and porked with it, you know what I mean?

And this is true, there is a girl in Seattle, Washington, who's called the Mud Shark Queen. She introduced herself to us after a concert there recently, she looks like an enormous Alice Cooper. And she was the one that got it from the Vanilla Fudge with a Mud Shark

Now, in order to commemorate this historic event, this landmark in rock & roll history, one of the great things that happened during the 60s, we've constructed this bold new dance for you. Let's Woodstock Nation out, ladies and gentlemen. Follow the instructions, and as you learn the Wood— No. As you learn the Mudstock, the Mudstock, just follow right on out the door because that's gonna be the end of the show, you know what I mean? Here's how you do it

Mark:

Okay, now I'm gonna teach you this dance called the Mud Shark

FZ:

You gotta do it all the way down Broadway!

Mark:

Now let me tell you, you gotta stand up, each and every one of you in this hall tonight, I gotta teach you this dance. And it starts with your right hand, your right hand and your right foot

FZ:

And it won't hurt you

Mark:

And you just swim. You know, you swim. It's kinda like Sly Stone says, you gotta do it together to do anything at all, you know what I mean? So get those hands up and swim

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark:

Get 'em up, brother, get 'em up. Get 'em up. Come on, come on. Right hand

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark:

Swim! Now, listen. Now we switch to the left hand and we swim a little bit. Come on, get that left hand. Come on

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark:

Now I can see by the time on the wall, the old clock on the wall, it say . .

Howard:

It's a dead fly

Mark:

Now I wanna tell ya, now we do with two hands, and we swim, like getting in between some nice warm legs, you know what I mean? Yeah. Now, now this is the step we want you all to do together. Now this is just like, this is about as close as you can get, like Esalen Institute, you know what I mean? Ooh, Carnegie love. Yeah

Now I'm gonna show you this with my brother Howard, and this is called spawning—Warren Spahning. What you do is you latch up, right hand to left hand in between the legs and you kind of hop. And we're gonna ask all of you to do this, so watch closely, and forget about what they taught ya

Howard:

Really. Let's spawn a while now

Mark:

Now listen to me

FZ:

Just try

Mark:

Everybody. Get in that. Come on

Howard:

Come on now. Get down

Mark:

Now what we're gonna do, we're gonna go up the aisle, and we want you all to join in

Howard:

There go some people!

Mark:

Latch onto those people

Howard:

Look at them! They're going up the aisle!

FZ:

Just link your hands between your legs and go on up!!

Mark:

We're gonna dance!

Howard:

They're doing the Mud Shark! Come on! They're doing the Mud Shark! Yeah, baby! Brother Mark, Brother Mark is gonna do the Mud Shark! Follow him, baby. Do the Mud Shark!

Mark:

Do the Mud Shark!

Now you're doing the Mud Shark!
You're doing the Mud Shark!
Wow! Mud Shark!

Wah! Do the Mud Shark!
Wah! Do the Mud Shark!
Wah! Do the Mud Shark!
Do the Mud Shark!

Come on, let's swim with them
Do the Mud Shark
Do the Mud Shark

Do the Mud Shark!

Where's my brother Howard?
Where's my brother Howard?
Where's my brother Howard?
Where's my brother Howard?

Do the Mud Shark!
Come on!

Mothers:

Out (Come on!)
You go out (Everybody!)
So far out (Do the Mud Shark!)
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out (Out!)
You go out (You go out)
So far out (So far out)
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out
Just go out
You go out (Come on)
And do the Mud Shark, baby

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby (Do the Mud Shark)

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out (See ya!)
You go out
Good night!
Right up there!
Do the Mud Shark as you leave!
Go out, baby
Go out, you do the Mud Shark, baby!
Mud Shark, baby
Mud Shark
Mud Shark, baby

FZ:

Thank you very much for coming to our concert tonight! Good night!