The First Time I Saw You

[Spoken Intro]

Thank you. This next song, uh, by the way do you guys like my new guitar here? It's, uh- yeah, thanks. It's kind of a funny story about it, it actually used to belong to a friend of mine, and he, uh, let me use it for a gig that I had coming up, actually I kind of begged him and he was kind of reluctant but he let me use it, and while it was in my possession, I don't know if you can see the back but there's a couple of nicks on it, and I was walking around for a couple of weeks just thinking to myself "How the hell am I gonna tell this guy that I borrowed his guitar and I completely messed it up?" Anyway, problems have a funny way of sort of working themselves out. I got a call from his Mom, like, a couple of weeks later saying that he had, uh, been killed in a car accident, so I was like "Phew, thank God." Anyway it's my guitar now and we're gonna have some fun with it

Here's another song I wrote for a girl

[Song]

I remember the first time I saw you
I went to your doorstep and rang the bell
Your parents told me your dog's name was Henry
And I laughed and said "Hey, that's my name as well"

And I remember your face as you came down the stairway
Your ebony hair and your deep hazel eyes
At the sight of your beauty I started to quiver
And I just couldn't think of the right things to say

And my hands started shaking
My heart, palpitating
My palms started sweating and I ran out of breath
And I fell on the floor and I started to vomit
And I lost all control of my bodily functions

And you went to the kitchen to get paper towels
To clean up the mess I had made on your floor
But by that time I'd already emptied my bowels
And I just didn't seem to give a damn anymore

So I took off my pants
And started humping your doggy
And your parents threatened to call the police
So I yanked out the phone cord and I closed all the curtains
And said "Don't move, or nobody leaves here alive."

Then your neighbors woke up' cos they heard the commotion
And they called 911 and they sent a patrol car
And a vice squad, and a chopper, and a few hundred good men
And I had a gun, but it didn't have bullets

So here I am in this cold, darkened jail cell
Thinking of you and the time that we had
And I know that you're laughing about the misunderstanding
And I just get that same ol' feeling again

My hands start to shake
And my heart starts to beat
My palms start to sweat and I run out of breath
And I fall on the floor and I start to vomit

And I lose all control of my bodily functions