The Bender

[Verse 1]
All my party people in the place
What's up?
I'm super fucked up
Alright!
I've done a couple dozen drugs
In a couple dozen ways
And I ain't slept in days!
Anyways!
So listen up
I've got the shit that you can't get enough
Come and take a trip and board the ship and get your ticket stub
It's hotter than a hot ass in hot pink hot pants
It's the bender!
A brand new dance
First you step the left
Run out of breath
So grab the nearest drink that you can find
And guzzle what's left
And next you step the right
Lock it up tight
Order up another round of drinks at happy hour price
Now shake that ass
To the bathroom and blast
A couple power lines
Up your nose and choke 'em back fast
(woo!)
Clap your hands
Fingers pop
Stomp your feet
Down another jager shot and toss it up to the beat
Now just move
With the rhythm
Spark a pair of joints and hit 'em
Find your fellow fuck-ups on the floor
And wiggle up with 'em
And tickle 'em
Get 'em
Get beneath 'em and freak 'em
Because this god damn dance
Is gonna last all weekend
(here we go!)

[Chorus 1]
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
Booze and pills and brains in a blender
Drink 'til we forget, snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender
Forever!
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
Let's stay wasted through December
Drink 'til we forget
Snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender!
Forever
(and ever) X 7

[Verse 2]
Etceter-uh!
That's right
No need to act right
Forget about the bad times
Man that was last night
Feel the beat and flash
Your yellow teeth by the black light
Suck down a strong drink
Make out with a swamp thing
You're crashing
You're like an amateur on a ski jump
You could use a key bump
Hoover two or three up
Woo!
Gum flappin' chatterin'
Has got you fuckin' thirsty
Belly back up to the bar
For a Patron with Uncle Dirty
Fall on the ground
Put your back into it (oh!)
If someone offers you a tab of E (stop!)
Just do it
Renewin' it
Screwin' up your eyes while you're dancin'
It's overdue for you to come alive like Frampton
Your friends leave
Let 'em be
Long forgotten
You're an ogglin' monster
Hobnobbin' with hobgoblins
Smoke 'em if you get 'em (what?!)
Pop a couple Oxycontin (what?!)
Plop your bottom (what?!)
In some vomit (what?!)
Like you're Johnny Rotten (what?!)
(what?!)
Awesome!

[Chorus 2]
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
Booze and pills and brains in a blender
Drink 'til we forget
Snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender
Forever!
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
We can all literally be high steppers
Drink 'til we forget
Snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender
Forever!
(and ever) X 15

Everybody the bender
Come on now
Let's do it
And over do it
Come on you bunch of fuck-ups!
And over do it again!
Here we go!

[Verse 3]
(go!)
You've got a lot of scotch to swallow
If you wanna follow Bonham
To a rock bottom coffin (oh!)
Pop a squat coughin'
You got some flotsam
Jetsam in your esophagus
Rockin' this bottomless pit
Preposterous bliss
This is the time (yeah!)
This is the last chance (go!)
To ruin our lives (yeah!)
Just doin' this dance (go!)
Advance to the next level
Step it up
We are
Gonna join hands
We're goin' to the E.R.!
What we gonna do?
The bender!
And which drugs we gonna use?
What, what, whatever!
The last set of steps
Is the tricky stuff
Pick it up
Here we go again y'all
Listen up
(now!)

Step out of the car
Put your hands up
Turn back to the cop
"Yo buddy! What's up?"
Walk a straight line
Rock it heels to toes
Now, stop!
Tilt your head back
Touch your nose
(go!)
With your right hand
Take hold of the hose and blow
Put 'em together
Pray it's under point oh eight oh
Blow enough
Get the cuffs
And off you go
Spin it around
Now you're facin' six months or so
(no!)
But while you're doin' hard time
You can have a good time
You can imbibe juice produced like hooch wine
You can get some yellow meth and do lines
That's right
You can do the bender on the inside
(one more time!)

[Chorus 3]
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
Booze and pills and brains in a blender
Drink 'til we forget
Snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender
Forever!
Penny pinchers
Big spenders
Now we're gonna boogie with the public defender
Drink 'til we forget
Snort until we remember
We're gonna do the bender
Forever!
(and ever) X 14