Battlefont

Ladies and gentlemen, one and all, it is time for the night's main event
Tonight we've a treat, so please take your seat, and please finish placing you bets
For in moments dozens will enter, and soon after dozens will fall
Till the very last left in the center shall be crowned the one ruler of all
The claim to this crown's been disputed for years, but now all will be settled at last;
All of the fallen defeated forever deleted--this battle will be a blood bath
The combatants are all the typefaces; the arena's a Word document
And the best will take all, in a contest that's called Battlefont--commence!

Battlefont! And we fight as the skies fill with cries, tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the strong will be gone--done! For there can only be one!

The odds on favor in Battlefont, is a titan who's knelt before no one
He's the one they all know, he's the star of the show, and he goes by Times New Roman
And the closest contenders who vie for his throne have so long awaited their chance
Courier's pacing and Arial's patient, but both have their base of fans
And along with the others they gather and march on their way to enter the venue
War faces cold they all stand in bold as they drop from a pull down menu
Once their all in and gates closed, old Times New Roman he sneers left and right
He says "I'll see you in hell, for when they ring that bell, Battlefont starts--and we fight!"

Battlefont! And we fight as the skies fill with cries, tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the strong will be gone--done! For there can only be one!

And instantly all the knights in the square turn their anger on one
And with their bare hands they grab Comic Sans and they pound on that clown till he's done
Witnessing this Jokerman gulps and he flees fearing ugly demise
He runs away but like Playbill and Broadway (hey) the mob catches up and he dies
All of the suave fonts--Niagara, Verdana, Tahoma--all stand back to back. (They all stand back to back)
All tall and thin needing numbers to win but get toppled by Stocky Impact
And the crazy one, Wingdings, leaps into the fray and the others all pause when he says
"(screaming/roaring)"
With that Windings is dead
Stencil cries "charge!" No troops has he left, so the war vet goes in alone
Lucida and Georgia will die at his feet but Century crushes his bones
And fearsome Old English with all of his spikes barbs and swords equals mighty effective but, with blood in his teeth from a slain san serif even he falls to Helvetica
Poor Richard has grown very fearful and Bookman increasingly stressed;
To dark and brooding Bauhaus is unmoving, he's better off dead then depressed
The arena now littered with corpses, the numbers grow thinner and thinner, and a cursory scan of the carnage at hand seems to point to Times as the winner. Of!

Battlefont! And we fight as the skies fill with cries, tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the strong will be gone--done! For there can only be one!

But wait, not so fast, 'cause when old Times turns his back
To wave to the crowd he is taken down by an Arial attack!
Arial's waited in silence for years; at last it is his time to shine
Time's burial is the sign Arial is the greatest font of our time!

We stand and cheer these results
As we reset our default
Settings in Mac and PC docs
Arial's now the only font!

Battlefont! And we fight as the skies fill with cries, tall till we fall and we die!